Shane's Pre-Birthday Party Surprise
December 12, 1996
10:30pm

LapMeRich and I attended a private pre-birthday lap dance party for Shane at an undisclosed location. She brought along some of her new talent from her Shane's World videos to do lap dances for a few lucky lappers. One of them was Honey (from Shane's World 4) who is just as perky as can be and new to videos. She was lapping the night away with her new found fans. There were several other non-video lappers as well that I got to sample. Unfortunately, they do not want any comments here about their fantastic lapping abilities. Let's just say that mileage wasn't even a consideration.

Speaking of Shane's World 4, if you get a chance, checkout this video. Shane actually does a skydive scene topless. Plus Honey and another new cummer (Stacey) shows their new abilities as well as their nubile bods.

But I digress. The highlight of the evening was when they brought out a huge birthday present box out for Shane to open. When she opened the top, out comes Misty Rain! The crowd goes wild and so does the music. It only takes Shane and Misty a nanosecond to get close and comfy with each other and their natural attraction for each other made for a fantastic show for all of us.

All in all, I will be resting for a while after this hot party. Next time, I'm bringing my video camera.

Quentin Tarantino Sucks Toes
November 9, 1996
12:30am

It started off like any other Friday night at Sam's; Plenty of girls, a rowdy crowd and Pablo M.C.ing and your reporter spinning disks. However, one of the dancers told me that her friend was going to come and visit her again like a few weeks ago. "Which one?" "Quentin." Sounded good to me. Never hurts to have the writer and actor of From Dusk Till Dawn at a strip club. For those of you that didn't see the movie, it's about a strip club where the dancers are all vampires. Quentin plays a crazy murdering robber on the run.

Sure enough, he comes in and starts getting table dances. Other customers buy him drinks and say hello to him. Yeah, well so what. I've seen many celebrities and semi-celebrities at strip clubs. Nothing interesting about that.

Eventually, Quentin and his friends sit down at the stage. They are making noise and tipping. Everybody's having a great 'ole time. Angela (who never wears shoes) gets on stage and starts to dance for Quentin. I watch her dance in her usual sexy way. Suddenly, Quentin takes a hold of her foot and starts to lick her toes and foot. Next he starts to suck on her toes. The crowd goes bananas! I was shocked myself and I've seen it all. Luckily, I still had enough presence of mind to put the song After Dark on while this is going down. That's the music that is playing in the movie when Quentin's character sucks on the toes of the dancer on stage.

Afterwards, things calm back to normal and everything goes back to the usual crazy Friday night stuff. The girls wanted to take pictures with Quentin and he was nice enough to stay late to do that with them. I asked him if it would be OK for me to post it on my website and he said it was AOK as long as we used a good picture of him. I hope this one is good enough. The picture shows Ty, Angela, Quentin and Jesse goofing off on stage.

Bruce 7 Dance Contest
July 4, 1996
5:20pm

Adult video producers Bruce 7, Bionca and Buttman had a July 4th party at an undisclosed location. Bianca and Doc were nice enough to invite me to the blast since they were going to have a dance contest and how can they have one without yours truely, right?

Doc, Mr. Nine and I got there at about 4:30pm or so. As we walkup to the door, we notice a sign posted that read: "By entering, you are accepting the terms and conditions..." Wow! Just like the back of the tickets at the Tonight Show. I hope I don't end up on the cover of some magazine.

We walked past some girls making out and as we headed to the backyard, we came across Felecia completely nude waiting for a towel. For some strange reason, we had a really hard time finding the towel which ends up being right next to us. She used to work at the Bare and Star Strip but now she's a big video star. She gave me a big hug and ran off.

I feel like Axel Foley at the Playboy mansion as we walk out to the backyard where everyone was enjoying the sun and water. I picked up a burger and started to look around for a drink. Looks like those girls are sitting on the cooler. "Excuse me. Could I get a coke?" "What's the password?", she says as she spreads her legs wide for my view. "Ahmm. P*ssy?" Well, all I got was my drink so I guess that was the wrong password.

As I munch on the burger, I walk around to see Nici Norman who is much shorter in person than I thought. Buttman, John Dough and Tom Byron were on hand checking out the future stars that they will be working with soon. Shane and Yvonne were giddy as usual as they mingled with the crowd. Shane is my dancer of the month for July 1996 because of her wonderful performance at this party. I really didn't get to mingle before it was time to watch the dance contest.

Felecia did what I thought was a nice sexy dance for everyone, including a bonus..."lap" for Shane. She also let Yvonne search for something for a while. Hey! I think I lost something too! Unfortunately for her, this contest was not to be your usual dance contest.

Third place went to the next door girl Christy Lake. She was wearing what was called a cl*t cover because that's all that little thing could cover. She was wearing her tennies, making her look even more next door girl-like. But as soon as she started dancing, I threw that thought out the door. No girl next door to me ever did anything like that. One guy was searching so long, I thought he was stuck.

Second place went to Misty Rain who did a sexy nurse dance with a squirting dildo. Everybody kept shouting, "I want an enema!" Alright, I was doing it too... OK, I was the only one. I've had some of the roughest lap dances from her. She'll break you in half if you're not careful.

First place went to Shane with a lot of help from Yvonne. Frankly, they didn't dance all that much. Mostly, they just showed how much they like each other. You can catch both of them in Shane's new video series: Shane's World.

Then all the dance contestants were called to the stage to do a final "dance". Sure, just like they were "dancing" before. Just as I thought, it quickly turned into a dance orgy. They grabbed and carried Bianca and put her in the middle of all the action on stage. Poor Bianca. I wish I could have helped her... and joined in.

All in all, I must say that even a jaded reporter like myself has not seen too many July 4th parties of this caliber. I can't wait for the next one.

Lois Ayres Blows on B-Day
June 1, 1996

Lois sticks her tongue out while she blows on stage.

ASSCon-1
May 24-26, 1996

May 24, 7pm - Enter SF
Saxbeat and yours truly drove up to San Francisco from LA in just 5 hours. We got settled and went straight to Chez Paree for some quick introductions. I finally met the Pope of CP, ALS and his sometimes sidekick DougLee along with a few other ASSCers. After bragging to me that he was going to take it easy at ASSCon-1 with no lapping, Saxbeat gets dragged into a private by Franke before he even sits down! Yes, I will admit I followed suite soon after with Franke but I wasn't the first. By LA standards, Franke's lapping is high mileage. It is about the same as a good (not the best) Tropical Lei lap but a little more expensive. Click here for a full Chez Paree review. After closing, we met up with the crew at Lori's for breakfast.

May 25, 8pm - Kat's Pre-ASSCon-1 Party
As Kat prepares for her party by e-mailing and deleting files on her computer, her ferret, Stasi helps her out by making deposits on the keyboard. Later that night, DougLee also made a deposit on her keyboard. We had to use a very large towel to clean that up. But I digress.

As all the guests (or non-guests) arrived, I talked to Dirty Dick about the adult movie industry and kept an eye on DougLee and Robert pit moshing in the living room. Kat handed out her famous cosmo drink to everyone like condoms at MB. For the hungry, ASSC crackers and sardines. Kat changed into her leather outfit and started to dance on a chair. While more dancing was going on in the living room, several of the guests went into Kat's closet in her bedroom and found some "toys" to play with. Before anybody could call 911, DougLee's female escort was whipping the hell out of Doug.

Then there is a knock at the door and when Saxbeat opens it, there stands a man in his PJs. No, it's not Bob Smyth. All the screaming (for joy?) by everyone in the closet woke up Kat's neighbor. When he peeked into the living room, all he saw was me smiling like a car salesman. He quickly said a few words to Kat and ran off scared. What's a party without disgruntle neighbors. Everyone eventually came out of the closet (well, almost everybody), and the party then divided into 2 parts. The living room for wild dancing and the kitchen for political and philosophical discussions.

Fast forward to the party slowly winding down at 6am or so and DougLee sleeping in the hallway sitting up while his friends sleep nearby in the living room and snoring so loudly that I thought the neighbor would return.

May 26, 6:30pm - ASSCon-1 at last
Arrived a little late to ASSCon-1 and hooked up with my friend Speed Racer. We both met with some of the 40+ ASSCers at the CP. Read Bubba's take of the dancers on stage as well as the Dancer Appreciation Contest. After a while, we got bored and left to do more ASSCing (yes, during ASSCon-1) at Crazy Horse (see review). There was really only one decent looking dancer there but she was getting ready to leave soon after we got there. 2 cops came in and kept peeking into the VIP Couch Dance room, but it seemed it was for pleasure and not business. We walked over to MSC but didn't go in when we saw some pictures of ugly dancers outside. I just assumed the pictures must be their best girls. We returned in time to see the conclusion of the contest and the DPing quickly followed. I didn't want to leave with just one lap so I asked ALS to hook me up with Mia. I got hooked alright. Lucky for me, no ATM machines in the club.

All in all, a very positive experience. As I already knew, SF beats the pants off LA for nasty laps. However, in pure numbers, we have more clubs and I dare say more good looking dancers (insert flame mail here). This is probably because there are so many wanna be actresses and models coming to Hollyweird from every corner of the planet, only to find that stripping is the next best thing.

Thanks to everyone (you know who you are) for being so kind and generous. As soon as I recover, I'm ready for ASSCon-2.

Terri's B-Day
May 17, 1996
1:10am

Sometimes, a picture is worth a dozen words or so.

I took this picture during Terri's B-day party. They know I like butts. What more do I have to say? I'm not even going there.

Lexi LeBlanc
April 27, 1996
11:05pm

Took a female friend of mine to see Lexi LeBlanc at the Gentlemen's Club near Glendale. Lexi is a Penthouse Pet '95. We arrived at about midnight but I wasn't worried that we might miss her midnight show because features always start late in LA.

There was a short line to get in and the place was PACKED. We were warmly greeted by Mr. BeetleJuice at the door. I estimate about 135+ which is probably over capacity. There was absolutely no place to sit and the only wall area we could stand at was in front of the DJ booth where AH-Man spouted out his gossip as he made quirky remarks on the microphone. Chatted briefly with the owner who was very happy and in a pretty good mood.

Before Lexi came out, I was greeted by Tyler, my fave at the Gentlemen's Club. She teased me (she knows how), gave me a hug, strutted her stuff and off she went to do some dances.

Eventually, we found 2 seats on stage and waited for Lexi to come out. Before she came out, I saw that she did not have any "roadies" indicating she would not be doing any weird act (e.g. painting, bathing, flame throwing) so I already knew she would just be dancing. She comes out in a white top and white tight shorts. She looked fine. IMO, her bod is right there. Her face is average for my taste. Her top does not seem to be enhanced, which is unusual these days for features.

Unfortunately for us, her dancing abilities (especially after seeing Serenity) was the pits. From the screaming of the audience, I'm sure nobody cared one bit about her dancing ability, but I was disappointed. She would strut then wiggle her top. That's it. She did a little floor work also.

I'm sorry to say that I would not recommend seeing her unless you really like her look. As a feature, I must say her performance was a dud. I enjoyed watching Tyler dance on stage more. The only highlight was after Lexi got off stage, she came and tipped Celeste (house dancer) on stage. I guess she likes her a lot. I can see why.

Rhino Charges into Contest
March 21, 1996
9:10pm

My friends Mr. Nine, Speed Racer and myself loaded our traveling gear and headed to Chicago (that's what my friend Doc calls Ventura / Oxnard, where the Spearmint Rhino is). It was Thursday night and possibly the last Thursday when the Rhino would have a dance contest. I was probably the only one still awake when we got there (and I wasn't even driving).

As we enter, our host Mr. Wolfen greets us with a smile and finds us a table. It's packed and pretty much standing room only. He tells us, they are waiting for more contestants to show. We are served our drinks by the lovely Silvia (the best waitress this side of Nevada [tm]). We wait a while and the crowd gets even heavier to be standing room only PLUS!. Finally, at about 10pm, Mr. Wolfen gets up on stage and gives the good and bad news. The good news is they will have Alicia Rio as a feature in a couple of weeks. I've seen her at Tropical Lei and she's nasty. They'd be lucky if they don't get closed down. The bad news is that (as we already knew), this was the last contest for a while.

With that news, he announced that the party, I mean, contest would begin! Instead of the usual judging via clapping, the Rhino uses 4 judges from the audience. When Star Strip Too used to be Extasy, they did this with 5 judges using flash cards. At the Rhino, they had nice forms for the judges to fill out. I was one of the judges (sitting to the left) and one of my dedicated readers, The Admiral, was the judge on the extreme right side. However, neither one of us knew that we were sitting so close since we had never met! Mr. Wolfen tells the judges not to rate anybody below a seven. However, as I recall, I don't think the scores were revealed. Maybe it was shown just to the dancers for proof of placement.

The first dancer was Renee who I later found out was the waitress there. I gave her 34 points for effort. Next was Ann, a dancer dressed as a cop. She was actually pretty impressive. I gave her 40 points (perfect), not even knowing that she was the bartender! Next up was Tami who also was another waitress (I think) and I also gave her 33 points for her hard effort. Last up was Lisa, a well tanned big top (clearly) pro contestant. She was good but I took off points for being too slick and gave her 38 points.

After some computations of scores, Mr. Wolfen announced that the winner (by a very close margin) was Ann, the cop. I see a conversion from bartender nearing here.

Porno Crew Visits Sam's
February 4, 1996
12:30pm

Adult video star Ariana and her video crew came knocking on Sam's Hof Brau's doors on Sunday. Of course, I couldn't pass up this chance to see what goes on during a shoot. When I got there, the small crew was setting up the lighting and the actresses were in the dressing room getting made up by the makeup artist.

After about 2 hours, Ariana came out and practiced dancing on the stage with another actress looking on. Later, she asked me to put on some music and the still photographer started to shoot some pictures of her dancing. Next, the director talked to them and finally the shooting started. Ariana does a sexy dance with strip and some playing while the other dancer watches. She gets interested and comes on stage and they go at it. For the most part, they did not stop too often for this scene. Next, Alex (playing a customer) gets into the act and it quickly becomes a threesome. They do it in all possible positions, including using the double pole on stage. During these scenes, they stop and rest after each position. Alex ends the scene with the mandatory facial money shot.

Up next was Jaime Lee and her Rocker friend. Jaime works at Sam's when she's not featuring. The plot is the same (what plot?). She dances, strips, plays, then her friend takes her off stage onto the bar. I don't know if it was acting but they were at it so hard, I thought they were going to break the stools! I must say they certainly earn their money. Next, she goes puppy style on the hard floor and takes it in the back door, then straight into her mouth (no cuts on tape). They were both dripping wet in more ways than one! Wow. I have to admit, I felt a little woozy after this scene. By the way, Jaime Lee dances at Sam's at night.

Finally, veteran porn star Lois Ayres comes out dressed in a 50's gold skirt costume with the Marilyn hairdo. She is looking fine, even after all the years that she's been in the business. She does a hot number on stage and a short interview on the pool table. Without any plot, her GQ looking guy with the tan comes to her on the pool table and they go at it. She's got a very loud scream when she really gets into it. I thought for sure, they would tear the table into shreds but being the pros, they were very careful. I noticed the GQ guy was having some problems between takes. It sure isn't as easy as you think. The ending was the same mandatory shot. When Lois is not featuring, she also dances at Sam's.

The entire shoot took about 12 hours including 2 meals and lots of breaks. Kinda takes the fun out of the sex business when you watch the gory details. It's sort of like watching how they made Forrest Gump with Computer Graphics. I realized that it is work for them and not play. However, for the guys, I guess it's good work if you can get it.

The director told me that the tape should be out in early March so watch for it. It's The Ariana's Dirty Dancers Series at Sam's Hof Brau.

Wild Goose Re-Review
January 20, 1996
2:40pm

I drove into the lot, everything looked the same except there is the new train station that is within walking distance from the Goose.

As I walk in, there's still no cover, and everything inside still looks the same. Food and bar to the right, stage to the left, pool tables and video games to the far right.

There were about 40 customers which is decent for this time of the day on Saturday but for a club with 250 capacity, it looked empty. There didn't seem to be any waitress working (I saw one sitting with a customer), so I walked to the bar and got one myself. My next mission was to find Stacey (the dancer) and Mr. X (ace reporter for ZBone) who was also meeting me there. I've had problems with this before so I went straight to the DJ booth.

There was somebody already talking to the DJ so I waited, then as I asked the DJ to make an announcement for me, the guy before me turns and says, "Z Bone?". Yup, it's Mr. X. The DJ had told him that Stacey is wearing a red cap. I scan the club and... WOW! That's Stacey? The Internet enabled dancer? Now I'm interested. She's blond, nice top and back with that cute next door girl look that always does it for me. Mr. X and I find a booth and start talking shop. Lot's to talk about.

Fast forward to me getting impatient watching Stacey doing dances and seeing her free for a second. I excuse myself and quickly walk over to this beauty. "Excuse me. Stacey?" "Z Bone?" YES! "This is my friend Courtney." YES!

We all walk over to the booth and start up about my review, ASSC (she says "Who's this Sayla?" <g>), computers (she's upgrading to 1 Gig next week), clubs, customers, personal life... Man, this gal is not shy. Mr. X's friend Phil joins us and more club talk starts up.

Now at about this point, Stacey has to go up to the stage. I must admit, with all the talking at the table, I was not able to pay the kind of attention I should have paid if I am to give a good review. But I do remember going to the stage and looking at the vitals and thinking I needed a chair dance from her.

Well, next thing I know a tag team chair dance queue forms for Stacey and Courtney. Mr. X, Phil and I take turns and another dancer (Carolyn) that comes by. Mr. X also got some with another dancer, I think, but it's all a blur.

All I remember is this. I got my dance from Stacey and BAM! My review changed at that moment in my mind. No, she's not a nasty dancer. She just knows how to move. But what makes this dancer attractive to me is not just her looks. She's articulate, sharp, funny, sexy AND Internet enabled! What more do you want?

Afterwards, she stayed with us and gave us free Goose calendars. The calendars actually look very good. Stacey is November. Nice. She signed it for us and wrote a little something in each one. Do I detect a future mini-celebrity here? The only bummer was that the Goose does not allow dancers to dance for each other (my favorite pastime).

All good things must end and we had to leave. All in all, the club in exactly the same as I remembered it but the quality of the dancers were much better. But what really made the trip worth while was Stacey. The club should be thankful to have a dancer like her working there.

Racquel Darrian at Bob's
January 18, 1996
8:15pm

As you may have heard, Racquel Darrian is featuring at Bob's Classy Lady from 1/18 to 1/20. IMHO, she is one of the best looking girls in the porn industry. Got to Bob's at about 8pm or so. Unlike the time I checked out Blondage, the parked cars did not go all the way around the corner of Raymer. I thought I might have missed her first show but the cashier told me I didn't miss a thing.

As I enter, I have to make a quick nature trip but when I come back to the main area, I spot Saxbeat (I mean David, I like Saxbeat better) on stage and happily getting up for a lap with Rusty. As I walk over, they are rushing over to the booth. I managed to grab Saxbeat and let him know I got to Bob's but he is already in the "Rusty trance". Knowing full well, this might be the last time I see Saxbeat alive, I say good bye.

I grabbed a seat at the counter area where I can see Racquel's show AND watch Saxbeat get his at the same time. Oh yeah, he had that smile on his face as Rusty did her thing. I tried not to look but had to see what was up. Eventually, they both came over to me and sat down.

Rusty then told me that she is preparing for a body building contest in 3 months and it showed. She says that a guy grabbed her during her lap so she punched him out. Wow! I looked at her arm muscles. I think she could kick my ass.

Saxbeat, Rusty and I watched Racquel Darrian's show (see review) and made comments to each other. Rusty had a lot to say about it because she was a professional dancer. She said that Racquel wasn't "connecting" with the customers. I agree. I told her she should feature after she told me about her costumes and dancing sets. Saxbeat said that the customers were cheering her on. Unfortunately, she would have to be in porn to feature and I don't think she's the type.

After a while, Rusty had to go make some money and so Saxbeat and I talked over ASSC and SF goings on. He met up with the NC crowd in SF so much to tell. Then, as if Saxbeat mentally sent her a message, his fave dancer (sorry Rusty), Justice shows up and gives us that remarkable smile. At this point, it's useless for me to try to talk to Saxbeat. Now, he really is in a trance. After more chit chat, Saxbeat must leave without getting some Justice. <g>

I stayed a little longer checking out the lap situation then had to leave at about 10pm. Sure enough, as I was leaving, Justice was still doing her laps, non-stop. I waved good bye and she actually managed to throw me a kiss while lapping. Now that's talent.

Las Vegas ASSC Meet And Greet
January 5, 1996
8:20pm

Called JayJ from my hotel to confirm our mini ASSC meeting and left the hotel with my friend, Speed Racer, a little late. We got to Olympic Gardens at about 8:30pm or so. I've been to this place before and it seemed empty. This place is so large that a hundred customers looks like nothing. The room to the left was still closed and the far VIP room had male dancers dancing for females (doors closed but I was told).

As soon as we entered, I say JayJ sitting at the stage closest to the door. I walked straight over and introduced myself and we quickly started chatting about ASSC posts, threads and Las Vegas. I wanted to get a table for us to sit at but couldn't find one. After talking standing up for a while, one of the club managers(?) helped us find a table. Not too long after that, the other room to the left opened and we quickly moved in there to grab a large booth.

No sooner than we sit and start talking, dancers started to come over and ask us for dances. We were actually having trouble getting drinks because the place is so big and the waitresses can't go around to everyone. We asked one of the dancers to help us get the waitress and we were finally able to get drinks. No sooner than we get our drinks, I got talked into a dance which turned out to be pretty sexy. I guess O.G. is back to shwinging again. The three of us got dances off and on but JayJ got one that I can't forget. It was a little too hot for me to go into details here but let's just say the Rolling Stone logo comes to mind.

After a while, the place got packed and one of the dancers told us there were 150+ dancers there. Each one is supposed to tip out $10 to the DJ. Wow! How do I get that job? It was getting too crazy for us so we left and went to Cheetah's.

My first objective there was to find Ginger, a dancer I met in Hawaii a year or so ago and arranged to hook up with her in Vegas. I go straight to the DJ booth and ask him where she is. He says, "She's right there on stage." Is my timing perfect or what? I walk up and she sees me, we hug and all that mushy stuff. Fast forward past our chit chat straight to the laps in the VIP area. Now, remember I already know this hot red head from before, but she shifted my gears right to turbo. I was floating so high, I kind of lost track of time. My original idea was to get JayJ and my friend some dances from Ginger, but by the time I was finished, they were both doing laps themselves.

After talking to Ginger for a while, I let her go to make money and my friend and I left to do some damage to the casinos (yeah right). Last time I checked, JayJ was still doing laps in the VIP room. He's got some friends at Cheetah's, that's for sure.

All in all, a very hot meeting for me and my friend and I'm guessing JayJ as well. My friend told me that his dancer hurt him bad. I'm not sure if that's good or not. Thanks to JayJ for hosting a Las Vegas style ASSC meeting for us.

Z Bone Brings In The New Year
December 31, 1995 - January 1, 1996
8:05pm

Met up with my friends at the Rainbow in Hollywood for dinner. Afterwards, I drove over to Star Strip to meet up with Agent Special K. He's got juice with the dancers at Star Strip. Every dancer I saw came over and said "Hi". He was trying to talk the waitress (Maria) into lap dancing for him. When I left, she was talking like she might do it for him.

Update: January 3, 1996
Agent Special K e-mailed me the full scoop on Maria.

It was great meeting you at Star Strip. We should have regular ASSC meetings rotating among clubs and times.

The dancer (Juliet) who asked me for a table dance while we were talking turned out to be a total dud. No contact at all.

However, I did get a lap from the waitress Maria. She said it was her first except for the manager to find out if she knew how to do them. Well, she doesn't compare to Tropical Lei or even Saraha III, but she did know enough to rub against me in various places. Actually, the real turn on was because it was her first. I tried to talk her into a booth dance, but she says she is not ready to go nude. She said that she would dance in a bikini for $100. So would I! (I don't think this was a serious offer.)

I floated over to the North Hollywood Deja Vu to check it out. Just as I enter the club, I see the DJ from Gentlemen's Club there and we end up leaving and talking all night about the best and worst gossip I've heard all year.