For more detailed reviews on SF clubs, checkout The Bay Area Strip Club Authority.

Chez Paree

147 Mason Street, San Francisco, CA
(415) 771-7645
Web site: http://www.cpsf.com/
Last visit: 5/1996

This club is closed.

This mini-review is based on observations on Friday night and an unusual Sunday night. The front of the club is nothing to write home about. Parking is definitely at a premium in San Francisco and the CP is no exception. There are pay parking lots next to the club but I don't think they are owned by the club.

As you enter, the bar is to the left near the entrance, the stage and dressing rooms are at the left far corner. It's a relatively small club but the stage is big for the club size. The stage is high up, giving a really good view of the nude floor shows. There is one pole near the right front creating a good seat in front of the pole.

Once inside, the atmosphere and decor is relatively good. Looks like somewhat new furniture and paint on the walls. 2 private booths near the entrance and about 10 in the back next to the dressing room. The clue that the club was probably renovated comes when you go to the bathroom. It's clean but definitely not something that was built recently.

Stage shows are pretty nasty by LA standards but average for San Francisco. The music comes off a jukebox so the music is NOT cut short. The volume is kept pretty low and you can actually talk to the dancer at a normal tone. The good news is there is no DJ talking his head off. The bad news is you don't know the names of the dancers.

There is no super high push for selling drinks but there is about the average amount of "Would you like a lap dance?" pressure for a lap club. As with other SF clubs, because the laps are private in a booth, impossible to tell who the good lappers are. It doesn't matter all that much because the mileage is pretty high with most dancers. Topless laps from all dancers are available (although probably not openly allowed), and as in other SF clubs, touching by the customer is AOK. Nice. Very nice.

While the dancer does her set of three songs, another dancer comes around with a small plastic basket for the customer to put money into. This is similar to Captain Cream where the dancer comes around after her set to try to collect some tips from offstage customers. However, the big difference is that the dancer herself is not collecting the money. There is little incentive to tip big because the dancer will not know who tipped her, let alone the possibility that she may not even get her tips. Moreover, I normally use that opportunity to ask for laps but not possible in this case. I would throw this idea out the window with the plastic basket.

Club		Small but clean and cozy.
Dancers		Some good lookers.
Attitude		Chat away.
Nasty Factor		The maximum.

Crazy Horse

980 Market Street, San Francisco, CA
(415) 771-6259
Web site: http://www.crazyhorse-sf.com/
Last visit: 5/1996

This review is based on my single visit, late on Sunday night (about 10pm). Kind of seedy looking and although you can tell that they tried to make it look better, it still has that funky stench. It's a very narrow club with a theatre like setup with a stage and ramp/runway going up the middle to the stage. About 70+ theatre like seating separated in the center by the semi-runway.

Even though this place is kind of a dive, it actually has a live DJ. That's the good news. The bad news is, the night I was there, he sounded like he was half asleep or wanted to be. But at least he told you the names of the dancers. That's all I wanted to know anyway.

There are booths in the back for VIP topless couch dancing, wall dancing, no touch nude (make yourself comfortable) dancing and MB-like specialty rooms that were not open during my single visit. For some reason, only 2 dancers were allowed to do topless couch dancing in the VIP area. The other dancers left their tops on. The wall dancing is identical to the MB wall dancing room.

As per SF standards, both stage performances and private dances are well above LA standards in nastiness. There were about 12 dancers when we first arrived. Unfortunately, I only saw 1 dancer that was to my liking and she left soon after we arrived.

Club		Trying to cover-up blemishes.
Dancers		Have to look real hard.
Attitude		No long chats but everyone smiled.
Nasty Factor		Can't get much nastier.

Market Street Cinema

1077 Market Street, San Francisco, CA
(415) 621-9116
Web site: http://www.msclive.com/
Last visit: 1994

Since my last visit, postings on ASSC indicate they have had major changes. Therefore, keep that in mind as you read my review. Checkout their website for more updated information.

This club was obviously a theatre at one time. The dancers dance on the large stage where the screen used to be. All the seating is the theatre type which makes for uncomfortable laps. Plenty of condoms in the bathroom here and very few shy dancers. Most will finish you.

Club	Unknown	Have not seen the renovations.
Dancers		Only saw one I liked.
Attitude		Just give me your money.
Nasty Factor		Nasty but no privates.

Mitchell Brothers O'Farrell Theater

895 O'Farrell Street, San Francisco, CA
(415) 776-6686
Web site: http://www.ofarrell.com/
Last visit: 7/1995

This is the definition of an adult version of Disneyland. It's clean, big, many attractions, countless good looking dancers and special events. What more can you ask for? How about nasty too. Before you jump on a plane, the bad news is it comes at a cost. First off, the cover is $25 or $30 but females escorted by a male get in free. To the left is my fave room, the Kopenhagen room. They turn the lights off, everybody gets a airport flashlight and 2 dancers do a mild girl/girl show, followed by nude laps. If you stay after the show, anything is negotiable.

Past this room is the Wall Dancing room on the left where you can dance and grope while the dancer grinds away. Next is the Private VIP room where you can have dancers do girl/girl shows for you while you get comfortable. My friend Speed Racer tells me that some of the dancers have figured out a way around the sensor alarms preventing the dancer from reaching over to you.

On the right side is the Theater where usually they play porno video on the screen while you get laps in the theater like seats. However, sometimes, they will have a live scripted "play" with costumes and sex toys. This can be fun if you like skits.

On the left side past the Private room is a Peep Show room (I forgot what they call it). You go in booths and watch dancers play with toys. Speed Racer tells me the glass is gone now and lots of action between the dancer and customer.

Further into the building is the Green Room which used to be a very elaborate stage with showers, stone like doors and 6 to 8 dancers. However, over the years, they have taken most of it out and apparently, no showers but the dancers still come off stage to do nasty shows on the tables. I've gotten girl/girl shows here that will knock your socks off. However, no touching by the customer here when I was there last.

Last, but not least, there is a regular dance stage with poles and seating at the very end of the building. There is a small snack bar next to it in case you get hungry for something to eat or drink. There are no waitresses pushing drinks or food. You can get laps at your seat in this area as well. Pretty much laps everywhere you go.

Club		It's not new but they've kept it up good.
Dancers		Plenty of lookers.
Attitude		Hustle city but some are nice.
Nasty Factor		Get it here.

Good lookers and high mileage!

New Century Theatre

816 Larkin, San Francisco, CA
@ O'Farrell near MB
(415) 776-3045
Web site: http://www2.briannabaldwin.com/pages/newcent.html
Last visit: 7/1995

This is another converted theater. They have cleaned it up since the last time I was there so keep that in mind as you read my review.

There is a long runway coming out of the main stage. This place reminds me of the Ivar Theater in Hollywood when it was open. They have video monitors above the stage showing some strange stuff. The dancers walk around the theatre asking for laps. They have features here and some of them get nasty on stage.

They also have a room upstairs that is similar to the MB Kopenhagen room. Although I've been told that they don't do this anymore, last time I was there, I got a bed dance. My friend, AF Spy, got a full toy show where he got to participate.

Club		They've tried to spruce it up.
Dancers		Not many lookers here.
Attitude		Not as hustle city as you might think it would be.
Nasty Factor		Only if you go upstairs to the Playpen.

Temptations

312 Columbus Ave, San Francisco, CA
@ Broadway
(415) 433-4020
Last visit: 5/1997

This club is a new club that opened in May 1997 or thereabouts. It is located in a very busy part of town and a nice bar and pizza joints are right next door. As you enter, the cashier and bar area is at the front. The stage is against the wall on the left side (almost exactly like Chez Paree), and the private dance booths are in the back area. The private area is actually almost as big as the main area. As in other SF clubs, the curtains close in the private booth and pretty much anything goes with the right girl.

The main room is very small with only about 7 or so seats on stage with tables and seating near the stage. The stage is lit up bright compared to LA standards. For some dancers, this is probably a problem, but most hardcore customers will like being able to see every pore. There is a computer in the back for ASSCers to IRC. The bathroom is located in a strange location on the right side of the room near some seating.

Although there weren't a lot of dancers, since the club is so small, a few dancers fill up the club pretty well. The quality was high considering it is a new club. Of course, I had to have a lap with Molli with predictable high mileage results. YMWV depending on how much she likes you. Unfortunately, she has retired from dancing.

Like the CP, the dancers select their music from a jukebox and there is no DJ announcing the names of the dancers. The same "pass the basket for tips" goes on here, which I do not like.

All in all, a nice laid back, cozy club with plenty of nasty factor thrown in.

Club		It's really small but cozy.
Dancers		Not bad for a new club.
Attitude		Had to leave because of DP action.
Nasty Factor		Serious SF action.