If you specifically want your e-mail posted here (flames included) with your e-mail address, state so in your e-mail to me.

Unless you specify otherwise, I will not post your name here for everyone to see. So ask those hard to ask questions. E-mail maybe edited as I see fit.

Please note that Z Bone is not a doctor, lawyer, psychologist, CPA, or auto mechanic and therefore all comments made by him are his own views and are to be used "as is". What he says is only true if it's true for you. As always, YMMV.

How To Become [A] Regular
Sun, 08 Sep 1996 10:34:08

Q:
How many times does a person has to frequent a club such as TL to be considered a regular and receive all the benefits that you've listed on your "Rant and Rave" page?

Z:
This depends on you, the club, the employees and owners. If you are good at making friends or have something they want, it could be one trip. If not, it may take months or years, depending on how frequently you go to the club. How often do you have to go to your local bar before they know you by name? Same thing. Depends on you.

There is also a difference between being a regular as far as the dancers are concerned and being "in" with the employees or owners. Dancers come and go. Even employees come and go. Owners stay a lot longer. Being "in" with dancers is fun but it does not get you in the club for free.

As with many things in life. Be careful of what you wish for. You might get it.

Gotta Know Terminologies
Thu, 25 Jul 1996 16:50:59

Q:
I new to strip clubs and don't know what the terminology is. Also, I have a friend that went to a strip club in Tampa, Florida, and he says he had the night of his life. he said that the women were deliberately trying to get him off. What does that mean?

Z:
Perhaps he accidentally sat on them and he was too heavy and they asked him to get off.

Q:
Also he said that her hands were stroking his joystick all the time and that she let him rub any parts of her body. He says that there are some clubs like this in L.A.. Do you know them?

Z:
Check my reviews on gameboys and other joystick oriented games.

Q:
I have never been to a strip club and I am new to it?

Z:
Are you asking me? Could've fooled me.

Q:
Also could you tell me some of the terminology like the word grind. I have hear it used during a lap dance.

Z:
Surprising that you know what "terminology" means but not "grind". I assume that wherever you are, there are no dictionaries. The dictionary defines the word "grind" as follows:
1. To crush into bits or fine particles between two hard surfaces; pulverize. 2. To afflict with cruelty, hardship, etc.; crush. 3. To move the hips in a circular motion, as in striptease dancing. 4. Tedious work or study; drudgery.

Take your pick. I'd pick #1 AND #2 after the Godzilla dance I got, thanks to LapMeRich.

Deja Curious
Sat, 13 Jul 1996 21:56:13

Q:
Couple of quick questions about Deja Vu in N. Hollywood.

1. What goes on in the VIP rooms? Nastier? Are they video monitored? Does $100 for 30 minutes in the VIP room beat five $20 laps in the booths?
   
2. ASSC reports vice busts at Deja Vu on July 11th. Have things really toned down?

Z:

1. I've never used the VIP room but as far as I know, there is no contact in there. However, you are able to make yourself comfortable. Is it video monitored? Practically everything there is, according to the dancers (even the women's bathroom). But I think it's to check on the dancer more than the customer.
   
2. It had toned down but it's back up again. However, it's not all the way up to the original nasty factor.

Newbie Dancer Just Wanna Know
Tue, 11 Jun 1996 11:36:09

Q:
Had a couple of other questions that maybe you could answer because the rest of my friends had no clue. 1) Why do guys seem to get off by blowing on a girl's tw*t? and 2) When I was working the club I could never find a good line to tell a guy when they asked me out. You know. They want to go out with you and see you out of the club and you don't want to tell them you have a boyfriend because that destroys their "fantasy" and yet, you want to keep them coming back but too much of the run-around and they give up too. I've tried telling them that if anyone found out I could get in trouble which they would say who would find out and if you try and tell them that you do have a boyfriend they either way so what go out with me anyways or they don't come back. Any suggestions for future reference?

Z:
As for question #1, they think you get turned on when blown on. Just tell them politely to stop because you don't like it. If they persist, fart on them very quietly.

As for question #2, that's a little tougher. Customers that insist on going out with you will probably eventually stop tipping you one way or another. You can try to prolong the tipping period by telling the customer that you only go out with customers after you get to know them for a while. After that, get their phone number and tell them you will call when you have some free time. Tricks like this only last for a little while.

Be careful with "tricks" of this kind. You must gage the customer properly. If he turns out to be a crazy stalker, you will only make it worse by playing games with him. After you have been in the biz for a while, you will be able to tell which customer to string along and which one to cut off immediately.

Impending Doom Coming to Tropical Lei?
Thu, 06 Jun 1996 12:12:52

Q:
Z Bone, I had a question. I've been working at [Tropical Lei] for about a month and a half and there seems to be a lot of rumors that the club is to be raided. Of course, nobody is about to tell me anything.

Z:
TL has a history of being raided before summer. I don't know why. I don't think anybody there "knows" they will be raided, they just suspect it.

I know that there are rumors that vice/ABC is doing a sweep of the topless clubs but there is no "sweep" of nude clubs that I know of.

Q:
One of the girls was arrested last week and another cited.

Z:
I heard about that. Not the first time, and won't be the last.

Q:
That's the last thing I need and I've dropped out until things cool down.

Z:
Good idea. You can work elsewhere for a while. However, the summer is when you make bank at TL. Alternatively, you can work at TL and be choosy about what you do to whom. But if there is a club-wide bust, they might include you anyway.

I know a few dancers that have been busted and it's VERY expensive to go to court but if you get a good lawyer, you can usually get off. NEVER take the first deal the city offers you. They know they usually have a weak case so they will plea bargain to the basement.

But, if you are convicted, you will have a record and you will have to register as a sex offender with the city (the same as child molesters). It sucks and it's not right but that's how the law is now.

If you need suggestions on where to work, let me know and I might be able to help. Otherwise, be careful. That's good advice anywhere you go these days.

Fantasy Come True
Sun, 02 Jun 96 12:32:22

Q:
Hi, I love your website, it's real cool (I'm female). My fiance and I love going out to these places together. He sometimes goes alone, which is fine. He said the other day that he wishes I would just go sometimes alone, so I can come home and tell him about it, like he does me. I have thought about this but am a little shy of going in alone. The last place we went together was DejaVu in N. Hollywood. Have you ever seen single women customers in a strip bar? Is it OK/safe?

Z:
That is very rare. I usually see either male/female couples or female groups but I think I've only seen single females about 5 or 6 times in 15 years.

It's OK. It's safe at the nicer clubs. I would strongly recommend that you do NOT go to a topless alcohol club by yourself unless you are very good at fending off drunks that will hit on you. And they will.

Q:
Also, are there any topless clubs that will allow a female who has never ever danced before to make her fantasy come true just for one night? My fiance is willing to "go for this" cos it's something I've always secretly wanted to do and I was wondering if this is a possibility?

Z:
Yes, many clubs have amateur dance contests which allow (almost) anyone to enter. If you are doing it for fun and not for the money, I would recommend Fritz because it's rowdy and you will get a lot of attention but assume you won't win and you won't be disappointed. Just go there and have fun!

This contest is supposed to be a bikini contest but some of the dancers flash their tops to try to win. They usually have a lot of professional dancers entering the contest. I know it's not fair but that's how it goes.

There are other bikini contests are regular clubs (not strip) where they have wet t-shirt contests or bikini contests. You might want to try that first if you don't want to go to a strip club contest. I don't know where they have them off the top of my head but I'm sure many clubs have them. Aftershock and Red Onion used to have them but I don't know if they still do or not.

One warning. Be careful because you might like it.

Lap Budget
Wed, 22 May 1996 16:53:31

Q:
I am a regular club goer. Yet I have problems on my budget. I wonder how much you guys spend in strip clubs a month as a regular. What percentage of your salary spent here would be too much?

Z:
If you read ASSC (alt.sex.strip-clubs) you will see that the amount varies quite a bit. Some people just go to topless no-cover places one a month and spend $20 a month while others go 3 times a week and drop thousands a week. The fact that you are asking this question makes me suspect that you might think you are over spending.

What % of salary? What percentage of your salary should you go gambling with or spend on your girlfriend or spend on drugs? It kinda depends on you and what your situation is in life. If you have 7 kids, keep the percentage low.

Instead of looking at the percentage of salary, you might want to look at a percentage of your disposable income. If you are hardcore, spend 100% of your disposable income. Save nothing and regret it later.

As long as all your bills get paid, you should be OK. If your questions goes further, as to if this is smart to do for your budget... probably not. But if you want to have fun for a short while, nothing wrong with that.

I've had times in my life when I spent too much money at clubs but you will eventually get burned out and get bored of it. Then you won't go for a while and recharge your batteries and return later.

The main thing to remember is that it should be just entertainment. Just like going to the movies. If you find yourself going to the movies 10 times a week and only talking about movies and not doing anything else, there might be a problem. Same with strip clubs. Moderation is the key.

Q:
You said you normally don't have any laps before you talk to the girl for a while. My situation is that normally the dancers just ask me if I wanna dance. If I say no, they would just shift to other customers. But I do see them sitting down and talking to other customers. What's wrong? Do they think I am a thrifty tipper? (Maybe I am, but how could they tell in advance?) Or just they don't like me, or think I am a newbie? I started to go to clubs last year. Probably about once to 3 times a month. Am I still a newbie?

Z:
I don't know you and it would be impossible for me to predict why dancers don't sit with you. Being or appearing to be a newbie has nothing to do with it. Most dancers like newbies because they know they can get more money out of you easier. My only guess is that you "come off" like you don't want to talk to them... or anyone, for that matter. Perhaps you are shy and it shows.

Q:
Indeed I don't know how to chitchat with them, or even anyone. Could you also give me some tips or hints on what topics I can start with?

Z:
Dancers are probably not the right people to start training for chitchats. Why don't you start with co-workers or friends. It's a lot cheaper than talking to dancers. Dancers have heard all the "lines" that guys give to girls. Anything I can give you that would be canned would not work. It doesn't matter anyway because they are there to entertain you. Not the other way around. You are not in a real environment. You can tell them a stupid joke and they will pretend to laugh as long as you are tipping. Get it?

Q:
Could you also post a smoking indicator for each club? I am a non-smoker and I hate going to any smoggy place. I like the fun, the girls, but not the smoke. So far the only rule of thumb I know to get away from cigarettes is to go earlier in the dayshift. Do you have any other suggestion on this issue?

Z:
Hey! You're not RJ pretending to be a newbie are you? Just joking. Unfortunately, in LA, I don't know of ANY clubs that prohibit smoking. Some small clubs have really bad ventilation systems which you might want to avoid, but otherwise, not much you can do about it for now. You can e-mail RJ and ask him for some advice on this matter.

Wanna DJ in LA
Tue, 21 May 1996 23:40:55

Q:
You seem to be very knowledgeable about the Adult Clubs in the LA area so I thought I would ask your opinion of who to contact for employment. I am a DJ at a club in Birmingham, AL and will be making a move to LA in July. After looking at your website I can tell you would know of the most reputable (not too cheesy :)) clubs. The one I work for now is a topless "top of the line" (for Birmingham) club called Sammy's. I have worked there for a year and would have great references. Anyway, anything you could do to help and point me in the right direction would be appreciated.

Z:
The "nicest" topless clubs in LA/OC are:
Mr. J's, and Fritz That's Too.

Nicest nude clubs:
Bob's Classy Lady, Bare Elegance and the Gentlemen's Club.

Although, it's a little less "nice", DJ's make a lot at Fritz That's It (first one, not 2) because of the # of dancers there.

For mega bucks, you should work at Olympic Gardens in Las Vegas. They normally schedule about 150+ dancers on weekends (the entire shift) and they all tipout $10 each to the DJs (2 per shift). But they have 6 or 7 stages so it can become a big pain.

Want Cowgirl Laps
Tue, 21 May 96 01:33:13

Q:
Could you please list the clubs which allow "cowgirl" lap dancing. I'm referring to face-to-face grinding by the dancer. The few clubs I know that allow it are Tropical Lei, TJ's, Industrial Strip, and Deju Vu (maybe). A more complete list would be much appreciated. Thanks, and great website!

Z:
I'll try from the top of my head:
Bob's Classy Lady, Exotica, Jet Strip, Star Strip, Star Strip Too. I'm pretty sure the new clubs in the city of Industry have them as well (Hawaii, Sahara III etc).

Outside LA, Ecstasy, Sahara I, Flamingo (milder), Spearmint Rhino, 101 Cafe (now called Rhino also).

I think that's about it.

Marina Del Rey Recommendations
Mon, 20 May 1996 03:41:26

Q:
I've heard that you are the man to contact when looking for recommendations in So. California. I'll be in Marina del Rey this week and would like to know where to get the best (nastiest) laps near the Ritz-Carlton. Any suggestions that you may have so that I'm not throwing my $ out the door would be greatly appreciated.

Z:
The Marina is halfway between West LA and LAX. There are many clubs near LAX (Bare, Jet, Century, Goose) but only Jet has semi-nasty dances.

In West LA, there is currently only one club: Fantasy Island. No laps there at all. Bikini with Alcohol only.

The nastiest laps (at any price) can be found at Tropical Lei $20-$40 (Upland, about 70 miles from the Marina), Deja Vu $15-$20 (North Hollywood, about 30 miles), Bob's Classy Lady $30 (Van Nuys, about 25 miles). Of those 3, Tropical Lei probably has the best hit/miss ratio. At the other clubs, you have to watch very carefully and pick wisely. Do that at any club you go. Also note that at TL and DJV, they are allowed to stand on the couch but not as Bob's.

If price is an issue, try TJ's $10 (near Disneyland), Sahara $10 (OC) or Spearmint Rhino $15 (Oxnard). Of these 3, I recommend TJ's but the quality is not as good as the other 2 places. However, they stand on the couch and are pretty nasty.

If you only have time for 1 club and you don't care how far you have to drive, I recommend TL. If you don't want to go 70 miles, try Bob's or Deja Vu. If you don't want to travel too far, I recommend the Jet Strip near LAX.

Bare Q&A
Fri, 26 Apr 1996 12:53:26

Q:
Great web site. I have a few questions to ask you about Bare Elegance. I rarely go to nudie bars (once a year!) and the only one I go to is Bare because it's close to my house. My first question is about parking. Is there any place to self park your car so that you can avoid paying 2 bucks before you even step into the club?

Z:
I pay the $2 AND self park because I don't trust the valet guys. Nothing against the Bare, I just don't like to valet, period. As for saving the $2, I don't really like that area for parking too far away. I've never done so.

If you are close to the Bare, you should check out the Jet Strip. It's very close to the Bare, some of the girls work at both clubs and you can park on the street for free. :)

Q:
Second, is it true that you can get in free some days just by showing any kind of work ID? When is that?

Z:
Dr. Moreau, the Bare expert says: Every day except Sunday, before 1PM. Picture work IDs only. Also, if you get there before 4:30pm on Sundays you can get in for free. They open at 4:00pm Sundays.

Q:
Finally, I have some questions about a dancer there. My friends said that she doesn't work there anymore, but I wanted to be sure. Her name is Jacqueline; dark brown hair, about 5' 8", nice hooters. She was my favorite dancer there. I went in July of '94 and she was really cool to me. My friend bought me my first (and thus far only) table dance with her and she was great. Is she still there? What do you think about her? I didn't have a lot of money but she didn't mind. Thanks bro. Keep up the good work.

Z:
Dr. Moreau says: She's back. Been back for about a month. She's been in-and-out of there for the past 7 years or so.

Q:
P.S. What do you do for a living, if I may ask.

Z:
As I always tell the D.A, "You can ask anything you want." <g>

Out of Towner Needs LA ASSCing Advice
Thu, 25 Apr 1996 16:07:05

Q:
Okay, I get into LA on Saturday morning. I want to go straight to a strip club in true ASS-C fashion. What's the best club by LAX?

Z:
Well, the answer depends on what you want. That's why I have an entire web page devoted to helping answer this question.

If you like nice looking clubs, Bare Elegance is near LAX. If you want nasty dances, go to Jet Strip. If you want to get close but no touching, go to Century. If you want to drink, go to the Wild Goose. Check my Dancer of the Month page for a dancer from the Goose (with e-mail address).

Q:
I hope to hit Tropical Lei on Sunday. I might catch a club downtown (I'm attending a show at the Convention Center) on Monday or Tuesday during the day. Any recommendations?

Z:
As for TL, you won't be disappointed!!! Unfortunately, CC Overdrive only works on Mon, Wed and Thr there. She's also one of my dancer of the months. But there's plenty of nice dances there for you.

There is only 1 strip club in downtown LA. Sam's Hof Brau at 1751 E. Olympic Blvd. They serve food and alcohol so it's only topless and if you are into nasty dances, you can forget about it. However, if you just want to kick back, have a few drinks and BS with the dancers, it's a nice place.

Good luck and happy lapping.

How Nasty is Nasty?
Tue, 23 Apr 1996 12:52:14

Q:
I would like to know how nasty does it get inside the private room of Ecstacy. I don't want to spend the money until I am convinced it's worth it.

Z:
It is about the same level of nastiness as Deja Vu (N. Hollywood) which has nude dances for $15. Star Strip also has a private room and the same type of activity there for $20-$40 depending on the girl. IMO, it's not as nasty as TL or even Bob's with the right girl. Personally, I don't think it's worth $50 (Ecstasy), but I'm very jaded. I'm so spoiled, even at $15, seems high to me.

What you'll get is a lot of the dancer touching you and rubbing herself on you. Some will let you feed (notice the word "SOME"). Some will let you touch other places. It's definitely more than what you will get at most other clubs.

ASSCing With Wife
Sat, 20 Apr 1996 07:07:52

Q:
My wife has been itching to go to a nude or topless club, but my concern is that so many of the ones I've been to appear to be really dark and somewhat seedy. I thought Fritz in Anaheim might be ok until I visited it last week only to find out that its marginally better than some other places (TJ's, Sahara's).

What club would you recommend to take a girl to where she wouldn't feel really out of place or unhappy with the ambiance?

Z:
I've been asked this many times. If you felt that Fritz was a little seedy then I'd would recommend Bare Elegance for nude and Fritz That's Too for topless. This is based ONLY on the "look and feel" of the club itself (and not the dancers or laps).

IMO, Bare has the nicest ambiance for nude clubs. Bob's and Deja Vu (N. Hollywood) are larger but not nicer and is darker. However, Bare is near the airport and it's not in the nicest part of town. I've never had any problems there though.

The Gentlemen's Club (nude) has many good looking dancers and is also nice for a nude club and is not seedy but Bare has them beat as far as the ambiance.

Fritz That's Too is near Disneyland and is 2 stories. It's very large and very nice inside and out. Mr. J's has a lot of nice looking dancers but the club (although the building is large) is not very large and might be too crowded for you and your wife. Mr. J's is also dark.

If your wife wants to go for some specific reason, let me know and I might recommend other places. If she just wants to see what all the hype is all about, those places above will do the job.

Good luck and please report back to me about what you think of my choices. I'm always ears.

Star Strip Too and Web Site
Tue, 16 Apr 1996 08:24:05

Q:
Hey there Z-Bone! How goes it. I've lately been frequenting your web page, simply, because I think it's thee best web page I've seen for a long time. What I mean is, all these web pages that are out there, most of them, are simply pointless; however, Z-Bone, you deserve all the credit, for the work you've put into this very informative web site. It's large, informative, and gives a club goer some great tips on LA area clubs; tips that a goer can consider before actually stepping foot into the club. Thanks Z-BONE!

Although, I guess you've been out of town recently, but anyway. I frequent Star Strip and Star Strip Too (I guess you can call it the Silverlake area). I especially go to Star Too on Fletcher, because I got to know a few of the girls pretty well, but who's to know their bad side, right? :) Well, if you don't mind, could you please give me some personal input on Star too? Maybe you haven't been there in a while or so, but just a couple of things about the club overall.

Oh, and by the way, I live in the Hollywood area. Sometimes the attitude at star too, to me, is simply unacceptable. Example, sometimes a dancer will really get ticked off if a guy less tips her than the other guys around her, and soon she'll just leave during the middle of the song. Hmm.. that's weird man, but it's happened quite a few times at Star too....what about you.. what do you think? Thanks Z-Bone!!! Keep up the good work.

I'll be back soon..... looking for some updates. hehehehehe bye!

Z:
Yes, many of my readers have been getting p*ssed off that I have not been updating my web site as frequently as I used to. It seems simply enough but it actually takes a lot of time to keep a web site updated. I'm trying very hard to catch up but I'm still behind. Please be patient.

As for inside info on Star Strip Too, it was originally opened by one of the 2 owners of the Northridge Extasy Club. He and his uncle opened the club by buying an existing restaurant and sometimes gay club. It is infamous because of the murder of it's promoter inside the club. After a while, the owner sold his portion to his uncle (who owns Star Strip) and was then re-named to Star Strip Too. It is currently for sale.

For myself, the type of dancer behavior you describe is unacceptable. I've seen it many times at the 7th Veil and Star Strip Too. Most clubs do not allow this type of behavior at their club for obvious reasons.

Using Z Bone to Find a Job
Mon, 8 Apr 1996 03:37:56

Q:
I just spent a couple hours browsing "Z Bone's LA Strip Club Connection". This is certainly the nicest strip club listing I've seen! Lots to look at, and I especially enjoy your reviews, gossip, and diary sections, not to mention the nice look overall. The national lists (Grimace and Ultimate Strip Club) are nowhere near as nice. If it weren't for those terrible letters S-E-X, you'd probably be in one of those top 5% lists! :-)

BTW, I was desperately searching in ASSC for any mail from you - I remembered that you listed your page's URL in your signature, but I rarely keep messages around, and didn't have any from you. I even tried Deja News, but their search facility is weird. Finally I tried Alta Vista, searched for: bone +"strip club" - bang, there it was, top item on the list.

I'm interested in LA clubs because I have a dancer friend who's going to LA for a "working vacation". There's a few clubs that she has been told to look into; you give 3 of them good ratings (Fritz, Jet Strip, Bare Elegance).

I have a few questions:

- She was told to look into "Bob's Classy Lady II". Is this the same as "Bob's Classy Lady"? If not, I don't see it in your lists, what's the story with it?

- She was told about a place called Bailey's 20/20. I don't even see it in your lists, nor in any other listing but one I ran across somewhere, which has no other info or reviews. She was told it's in Century City; the no-info list shows only this:

Bailey's 20/20 Gentlemen's Club
2020 Avenue of Stars, near Santa Monica Blvd
(213) 933-2020

Is this a real place?

You have great info from a strip club customer point of view. It would seem, in general, that the same ratings would point out the better places to work at, from the dancer's point of view, but I wonder if there is anything else to look for, or tips you can offer, in this regard.

Z:
Thanks for your kind words. BTW, I'm now listed in Yahoo on the strip club page as well as the adult entertainment page for Los Angeles.

As for your question: Bob's Classy Lady II is a topless club that used to be owned by Bob's but now is owned by his ex-wife or another owner. Bob's owns Bob's Classy Lady which is a nude non-alcohol club (reviewed on this web site).

Bailey's 20/20 has been shut down for a while and will not be re-opening. Apparently, Century City is too foo foo for that type of entertainment.

In terms of dancers using the reviews on the web site for looking for clubs to work at, I have the following suggestions. First, try to match the nasty factor level with what you are willing to do. If your friend is from a city where nasty dancing is normal (SF, NY, Tampa), she can easily work in LA with nasty factor ratings of 3 or above. If she's from an area where it is very strict, keep to clubs with nasty factors below 3.

Moreover, check to make sure that the type of club matches the type of dancer your friend is. Some dancers just like to dance on stage and make their money that way. Others like to hustle for table and lap dances and don't care about dancing on stage.

The 3 clubs you mentioned (Jet, Bare and Fritz) are all clubs where you must hustle dances from customers to make money. More and more clubs in LA are turning into this type of club. There are some clubs where this is not the case but not many. Read my reviews carefully and match the club to the dancer.

I hope this has been helpful. I am unable to answer your "anon" e-mail directly because of my GNN account. I've posted a similar reply on ASSC but you may not see it so I put one here also. I hope you see this and pass the info on to your friend.

Walking the Fine Line
Thu, 28 Mar 1996 15:31:07

Q:
Last weekend I was at TJ's Showgirl Theatre and had my eyes set on this dancer. I asked her to perform lap dances (7 total) and tipped her generously. Because you are a veteran in this industry, I want to know:

1. Is it possible to have that particular dancer perform in a hotel?
2. Is it possible to ask that dancer for a dinner date? (Is it legal?)

It's my first time at TJ's and I RARELY go to nudity bars. But, I think I am fallen in love with that dancer. Is my behavior healthy? Real?

Help Me!

Z:
The answer to your first question is: Yes. However, you didn't ask if that is legal. If you ask her to do more than just dance, technically, that is illegal. However, the worst thing that would probably happen to you is get slapped by the dancer. If you just want her to dance for you, nothing bad can happen to you except you might get turned down.

As for asking for a dinner date, if you want to go by the strict laws of LA/OC counties, no, it's not legal to even talk to the dancer. However, nobody is going to get upset if you do things with a dancer outside the club as long as you keep it discreet as far as the club is concerned.

Is this behavior healthy? Probably not. The reason is the following. You have to understand that the dancer is there to make money. It's for your entertainment. Don't confuse that with the real world. That is not to say you cannot meet a nice dancer at a club that likes you for you and not your money, but that's not the rule.

Since you are not a frequent goer of nude bars, I would tell you to be very careful and go slow. Until you get used to dealing with dancers, you are the prime target for a "suck you dry" scam. If you have your wits about you, you can go along with it and have fun without spending too much money. Otherwise, if you feel you are infatuated with the dancer, be scared. Be very scared.

Good luck, you're gonna need it.

Graphics Chokes Bandwidth
Fri, 15 Mar 96 15:22:21

Q:
Oh, a request... Even with a fast line to my PPP host, graphics are still a bit slow. Might I ask that your first page offer the user a non-graphics page that is faster for getting at the text? Checking it would be a lot quicker if I did not have to wait for the big Z Bone banner on each page. It would be really appreciated.

Z:
I will put this on my long term to do list but please don't hold your breath. My HTML creations are by hand (not software generated) so keeping 2 versions of each file would be a lot of work for me. This is not to say that your request is not a good idea.

Which Browser do you use. Most (including Netscape) will cache the data and will not have to download it each time. It should be fast. Even AOL's browser does this.

However, you are correct that there are more and more graphics on my page and it is getting slower and slower. I got many requests for more graphics when I first started and now I am getting a few "too slow" e-mail. Can't please everybody.

Dude, No Pictures?
Fri, 08 Mar 96 13:23:48

Q:
Dude no pictures??? what gives man I live on the other coast (east coast) I wanted to see how the other half lives.

Z:
Dude. My site does have a few pictures (not many, you're right). Look at the "Dancer of the Month" section for pictures of dancers. Look at "Sam's Hof Brau" for a picture of a feature. Checkout the "Features" section for pictures of features. Checkout "Links to Web Sites" for pictures from other web sites. There maybe other pictures but you get the idea.

Hope you like them. If what you mean is no nude pictures, you are right. It's hard enough getting the dancer to let me put her head shot on my web site let alone a nude picture of her.

Thanks for your interest and please keep checking my site because I plan on continually upgrading it.

In the mean time, happy lapping to you!

Chewed Out at Gentlemen's Club
Fri, 1 Mar 1996 09:31:50

Q:
Just wanted to say thanks for the advice on the bachelor party; we did end up going to the Gentlemen's Club, and it was just as you described. The tone was just right for the guys I took (not too nasty) and a good time was had by all.

The only glitches were having to see a couple of guys -not in our group- get quietly bawled by stage dancers for not tipping. While this is understandable, I really think that I it makes everyone so uncomfortable and spoils the mood to such a degree that I wonder if it is in the best interest of the dancers, or the club.

Anyway, we had a great time, and the attitude was at the place really was very good, on the whole. And very beautiful girls, as you said.

Thanks again.

Z:
I agree with you 100%. I know the owner at Gentlemen's Club and he is busy with other things right now. The acting manager (if you can call him that) is not too swift. If he was more on the ball, that would not have happened.

I'm glad you ended up picking the right club for your situation. It's always hard to match the group with the club without really knowing the people.

Girlfriend Wanna Be Amateur Dancer
Mon, 19 Feb 96 02:32:42

Q:
My girlfriend and I will be in LA next week, she is very attractive and has promised me that if we find the appropriate club, she will do a nude dance for me in the company of one of the club's dancers. My question is where do you recommend we go that is nice and that will allow her to do this dance for me?

Z:
Do you mean a private dance or on the stage in front of everybody? I don't know of any clubs in LA that will allow your girlfriend to go nude and dance for you without going on stage. Nothing stopping you guys from going to a quiet corner and getting cozy though.

Most clubs will allow a dancer to dance for your girlfriend. Pick carefully by asking which dancer likes to do that. Otherwise, it will be boring. I suggest you ask your girlfriend to wear a skirt with no underwear and go to Tropical Lei (very dark club). Then pay a dancer to "dance" for the both of you and your girlfriend can flash you and the dancer. I've done this myself. If she get's caught doing this, they will ask you to leave but so what. You don't live in LA anyway.

You can also both get a private booth dance together. I have seen this recently at The Gentlemen's Club where the girl customer was "touching" her boyfriend for the entire song. If your girlfriend wants to dance on stage, many clubs will let her audition on the spot.

If you don't mind spending much more money, you can pay the club to let you do it. OR, hire a dancer to come to your hotel room and be involved with a the private strip that your girlfriend will do for you there. Personally, it's more exciting when you are "cheating". If it becomes "paid" for, it's not as exciting for me.

Bachelor Party Location
Thu, 15 Feb 1996 18:51:41

Q:
Thanks for the great pages; they're really coming in handy for me now. I'm best man for my buddy's wedding, and as such the guy planning the bachelor party. Four years ago I was taken to Star Strip near the Beverly Center for my bachelor party, and a good time was had by all (the attitudes there were great, at the time). After reading your reviews, though, I'm inclined to give the Gentlemen's Club a try, especially since most of the guests live in the Glendale/Pasadena area. I wonder, though, if it will be "nasty" enough for a proper send-off?

Also, everyone's bugging me for a ballpark "budget", that is, how much cash they should have in pocket. I'm thinking that most probably won't go for lap dances, but they don't want to be cheap with the dancers. Can you help? Thanks

Z:
I don't think Star Strip is good for a bachelor party. It's too quiet and dark. Gentlemen's Club is better but there's no laps. If you guys don't care about laps, they will put the bachelor on stage with 4+ girls. It's pretty good. If you guys really want a wild time, I'd suggest a private party. That way you can get nude laps with alcohol.

If you need a dancer for that, check into C.C. at Tropical Lei (dancer of the month for January '96).

As for nastiness, it's not very nasty at the Gentlemen's Club. As a matter of fact, it's one of the least nastiest nude clubs in LA. It's only one of two nude clubs (Century also) that does NOT have laps.

In terms of finances, figure on $10 cover, $4 per drink + $1 tip per drink, (2 minimum) = $20 to walk in the club. If you want to have fun with plenty of singles, (without laps), I would say $50 would be cutting it close on the low side at a nude club. I would add $20 to put it at $70 at a alcohol club. With laps at a nude club, $110 would be the low end (3 $20 laps = $60). Personally, I don't get laps unless I have $200.

Scammed At Bare Elegance
Mon, 05 Feb 1996 22:48

Q:
Recently my friends and I went to Bare Elegance and got a lap dance. As you know the dances are $20. I planned on maybe tipping an extra $5 to $10. Before we got into the booth she asked if I wanted a special dance. I asked her what that would be and she said that I would see. Then the song started and she proceeded to do her dance. She did a little finger here and there, and some t*ts in the face, but nothing that special to me. Afterwards, when I was ready to pay her, I gave her $25, then she said that the dance was $40. I am not that experienced in this kind of stuff, so I just paid her the $40 and left. I felt like I was scammed by the dancer. Is this common? What should I have done in this situation? Help!

Z:
Did she "ask" for $40 or "tell" you it was $40. If she asked for $40, you can politely refuse. If she told you it was $40, without making arrangements prior to dancing, you are in the right and she's SOL.

You're right. She scammed you. This is not common at Bare from my experiences there. I'm sorry to hear that Bare dancers are now resorting to this behavior. This type of behavior happens when there is no money and the dancers start to get very desperate.

There are 2 ways to handle the situation. If you don't mind confrontation, I would have told the dancer that the dances are $20 and that's all she gets. If she makes a stink about it, tell her to get the manager and tell him what happened. I've had problems like this outside of strip clubs and have waited as much as an hour to talk to the manager.

If you don't want to make a big scene, I would just give her the money and go tell the manager afterwards. Personally, I would do the former. In some scamming clubs, the manager will do nothing, but Bare is not that type of club and should listen to you even if they don't fire the dancer.

If you can remember the name of the dancer, let me know. Let me know what she looked like if you can't remember the name.

As in other business transactions, the slogan "buyer beware" applies here as well.

BTW (by the way), read my Rants and Raves section on my web. I have some horror stories there.

Strip Clubs For My Date
Sun, 28 Jan 1996 11:42:16

Q:
Hi, First, thanks for the web page...it looks like a lot of work goes into it. Second, do you know of any strip clubs in Southern CA that my wife and I could both go and not stand out too much? She thinks she would enjoy but would want to feel at ease. Have you ever seen female customers at the clubs you go to? How often?

Z:
I suggest that you go on a slow night (i.e., not Fri or Sat) or during the day. And unless your wife really gets into this type of scene, and you guys just want to sit back and enjoy the show without any pressure, I would suggest the following clubs:

Bare Elegance: Nicest looking club in LA. It's not in the best 'hood but it's near the airport. See my review. You and your wife can sit at a table far from the stage and just enjoy the show. I've seen couples here.

Bob's Classy Lady: Largest nude club in LA. You should go on a Thursday night when there is a "feature" you might like. Again, it's big enough that you can just sit at a table far from the stage and sit back and enjoy the show. If you get curious, you could get a table dances (or so could your wife). I don't think I've seen too many couples here but you would not feel out of place here.

Gentlemen's Club: IMHO, this club has the most number of good looking nude dancers. I see many couples there. If you want to see a lot of dancers, go on Fri or Sat but it's crowded. I was there last night (Sat), there were 23 really good lookers there. Again, it's a relaxed place where you can sit at a table or at the bar and enjoy. Or you could sit at a table next to the booths and take a peek behind you once in a while to see what goes on there.

If you are looking for topless (alcohol) clubs, I suggest Mr. J's in Santa Ana. This place also has a lot of good lookers. I've seen couples there as well.

Problem With "Buy The Lady a Drink?"
Sat, 13 Jan 96 00:37:07

Q:
I've got a question about the house policy of buying the lady a drink. I've been to several clubs where you are asked (just after selecting a nice lady for a lap) to offer the lady a drink. Usually, the drink is $8-$15. I don't mind "taking care of the ladies" but I'd rather apply that cash to more laps. At one club in Vegas (De ja Vu) the waitress would get somewhat pushy and real bitchy if you said "no."

A:
I hate it when that happens. This type of behavior turns me off right away. I may say something to the dancer about it.

Q:
In reality, this means a $15 lap really costs $25 plus tip. It's a sneaky trick, so I gotta ask is there any polite way around this? Obviously I want a good lap without insulting the lady, but if I say "no thank you" that might make the lap less enjoyable. Please advise, there must be a happy compromise here that can satisfy both the dancer and the customer.

A:
$25, not including your cover and drinks. Let's face it, clubbing can get expensive. In some clubs, giving the dancer the money directly is better PR for you but in others, it makes absolutely no difference to the dancer. Personally, I don't get laps without talking to the dancer first via a drink. I always find out what club the dancer has worked at before and how long she has been lapping. This tells me a lot about how good her laps should be.

No getting around paying in one way or another. Most dancers don't care if you are cheap to the club but if you don't properly explain yourself, she will assume that if you are cheap to the club, you will be cheap to her (when it comes time to tip her). This is bad PR for you and I would advise against it.

It is better to use a few tricks to seem like you are willing to drop some heavy money even if you are not. One good trick is to ask the dancer how many more drinks she needs to sell. If she says 2, buy her 2 right off the bat. This sounds expensive but pays off in the long run.

The bottom line is, you can't have it both ways. You got to put out a little to get some back. But make sure you are investing in the right dancer before you start or it will get expensive fast.

Q:
I understand most of the money for drinks goes directly to the house, so I don't see why the girls push so much. Hey Z, great page and column and keep up the good work. I'll tell my friends.

A:
Not true. At the Deja Vu in Vegas, (after 5 drinks at Little Darlings and 8 drinks at Showgirls), the dancer keeps the entire amount of the drink ($5 or $10 for a double). At the North Hollywood Deja Vu, the dancer starts to keep the entire amount from the FIRST drink they sell.

At other clubs (like Tropical Lei), they are required to sell a set number of drinks and if they don't, they have to pay for it out of their pocket.

How To Stick On Pasties
Fri, 12 Jan 96 21:14:38

Q:
Please don't take this as a joke, but my husband [name withheld] bought me pasties from New Orleans on our vacation in October. How the hell are you supposed to make them stick? And is there a trick to make them go in different directions?

Z:
There is a bottled product called:
ZAUDER's SPIRIT GUM

Made by:
ZAUDER BROS., INC.
FREEPORT, NY 11520

I got that off the bottle. I don't know where you can buy it in your neck of the woods. You might have to go to a stage makeup place, maybe.

As for spinning it, my friend explained this to me but I don't think I can explain it. Sorry. Keep trying. Good luck and thanks for reading my web site.

Big Top Contact Please
Tue, 09 Jan 1996 03:58:23

Q:
From NC and going to be in LA area mid-February. Have been to Fritz and had a good time. Like large breasts and lots of contact. Which club would you suggest?

Z:
I think Fritz is a very good choice for drinking and many dancers. The contact level has gone down but if you choose the right girl, you will still get a pretty good dance.

If that's the type of place you like, check out Mr. J's in Santa Ana. Lot's of big top good lookers there too. Not as many as Fritz but the average is better there. Not much serious contact here either though.

Of course, if you don't have to drink, and want mega contact, best bet is still Tropical Lei.

Goose Dancer Flames Z Bone
Fri, 05 Jan 96 08:46:43

Q:
Excuse me! But I work at the Wild Goose and it isn't half as bad as you say. When was the last time you were in there. Yea it is a little run down but there are alot of great girls with great attitudes. I work on the day shift and make a ton of money. Maybe you should check it out again before you run off at the mouth.

Z:
As per my web, I was there last in 1994. I was there on a Saturday night at about 9pm to meet a friend of mine. Maybe I was there too early? Several dancers friends of mine used to work there in the late 80's and early 90's so I used to go there to meet them and eat there. So don't get me wrong. I liked the place. It just seemed to be a lot less dancers than 4 years a go before you had to wear full bottoms.

As for attitudes, quoting my web here: "Attitude is good at 3". 3 out of 4 is good. No complaint from me there.

As for making a ton of money, I'm glad you do. I would like to come there during the day and meet you and re-review the Goose.

Q:
Ps there are no pasties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Z:
Sorry, you are right. I will change this first thing next week when I return from CES. Let me know when you want me to check it out. Thanks for your comments and your interest in the web site.

Q:
One more thing (I know I'm a pest but you made me mad.) We wear T-backs. Come in ask for me and I'll buy you a drink. I'm known as [name withheld]

Z:
I guess they changed it since my last visit. I'm glad you're back to T-backs. Hope to see you soon for my re-review.

Lost In Slower Z Bone
Thu, 04 Jan 1996 16:51:58

Q:
You did a nice job on your new web site, however it takes much longer to load than before because of the graphics.

Z:
Agreed. I tried to keep the graphics to a minimum but it is slower than before. May I ask what browser you are using? I am using Netscape and it is faster than any other browser I have used so far.

Q:
It's also very confusing where you are in the site. I prefer your old site much better.

Z:
I'm not sure why you think it is more confusing. If it is because there are more pages, you are correct but I have tried to always have navigational icons at the bottom of the page. Some browsers have better navigational tools and buttons than others.

I will definitely keep your comments in mind as I update my pages. Thanks for your input.

Newbie Dancer Looking For Club
Wed, 03 Jan 1996 03:16:41

Q:
Hi zbone, This is [snip of id and info] Can you answer three questions for me or maybe you know who might know the answer.

1. What requirements do clubs owners look for when hiring

2. I am looking to start out part-time. What is the least number of days most club owners allow you to work, i.e. 1 day, 2 days, etc.

3. I heard alot of this "Private Booths" that some clubs have, How far can girls go with their customers in these booths?

Z:
1. Depends on the club. Some clubs will pretty much hire anybody that wants to dance. Others are very picky and want a certain look (California type), or must be big top or under a certain age or weight, etc. Depends on the club. Tell me which club you are interested in and I will tell you what they are looking for.

Some clubs (nude especially) want dancers under the age of 24 or so. Many topless clubs want very large chested women. Usually, nude clubs are less picky if you want to work during the day. Also, new clubs (e.g., Deja Vu in North Hollywood) will hire because they need more dancers, whereas, old clubs already have their fill of dancers and their schedule is full. In that case, they will only hire if you are better looking than their worst girl.

Sorry to sound so jaded, but I've been in the business for a long time and I have hired/fired dancers myself so I know what goes down. But don't be discouraged. If you really want to work, you will be able to find something.

2. Every club is different. Most topless clubs will let you work any number of days (just one even). Most nude clubs will want you to work at least 3 days. Again, tell me the club(s) you are interested in and I will tell you what their policy is.

3. What is legal, what the club allows, and what the girls do are 3 different things. Strictly speaking, much of what goes on in booths are not legal. Under LA laws, dancers are not allowed to touch their breasts or genital area. Moreover, they are not allowed to touch the customer in ANY way. However, some clubs allow genital touching on stage. What the clubs "allow" depends on the club, and you can get an idea of this from my "nasty factor" rating of each club. This does not take into account what one individual dancer may or may not do.

Please Reveal More Juice On Violet
Tue, 2 Jan 1996 01:55:42

Q:
Thanks zbone for your prompt response. Your like Steve Allen "the answer man". A couple of questions for you: Does Violet from Gentlemens Club have a boyfriend/or girlfriend? Live with them? Are there any special peeves, rants, that you know of? Do you have any "zbone hot gossip or rumors" about Violet? And finally, your famous "zbone dancer review" of Violet, do you have one or opinion?

Z:
Sorry to disappoint but, if you notice on my web site, I do not give out dancers' personal life information or gossip pertaining to dancers. This was done on purpose and I will not be changing this policy.

Want To Open a Club
Mon, 1 Jan 1996 15:32:46

Q:
Thanks for responding to my request for strip club industry stats in assc. I am currently working on plans for a new club and was looking for revenue stats to show potential lenders and investors.

I would love to hear any ideas you might have regarding the types of things clubs could do to please the customer. Having attended many LA strip clubs, I realize that great looking girls and hot table dances will usually guarantee success. In addition to providing both of these, I would like to offer other creative attractions that would be new and unique to the strip club scene. Any advice or suggestions you could give would be much appreciated.

Z:
Since I am an avid club goer, and I look for clubs with great looking girls. If I can't get that, I want good laps. I like nice looking clubs as much as the next guy but that is not top on my list.

It's a lot harder to do than you might think to open a club. Unless you join in with an existing club or Deja Vu, all clubs have trouble getting dancers when they first open. The only exception is if you have a HOT location (e.g., Northridge Extasy). Otherwise, dancers are scared to quit and work for a club that has not established itself.

My suggestion is to do what The Gentlemen's Club and Industrial Strip did. Before opening, go to all the clubs, spend a lot of money on the dancers and let them know about your club. If you get the best looking dancers, the others will follow.

But you have to follow this up with good tipping customers. Otherwise, the dancers will not make enough money, quit, go back to their old club and talk bad about your club and you will never see another dancer from that club. My suggestion is to know all the big tippers in LA and tell them about the club before opening and send them an invite. How do you get a list of big tippers? From the best dancers. They all know who they are.

I assume from the above that you are planning on opening a club in LA. The hardest aspect of opening a club in LA is finding the location. The Zoning laws are so strict in some parts of LA (Glendale, Pasadena, Santa Monica), you can forget about opening anything other than a bikini club in those areas.

Are you thinking about nude, topless, pasties or bikini? If you are going to be non-nude with alcohol, you can forget about getting a liquor license after you reveal you want to open a club. You have to get an existing business with a liquor license that wants to sell their business. This narrows it down a lot.

If you are going nude, there are very strict zoning rules regarding distance from Churches, schools, daycare centers, residential zoned areas, etc. Some areas are zoned in such a way that it is impossible to comply with these distance laws.

The safest way to go is to find a location that would comply with the NUDE zoning laws AND has a liquor license at an existing business. That way, if you ever lose your liquor license, you can always convert it to a nude club. That's what 7th Veil, Century, Paddy Murphy's, all did at one time.

In terms of new attractions, are you talking about Venus Faire type of setup? Or features like at Bob's and Gentlemen's Club. Tropical Lei used to have features but they were not able to afford it after a while. You have to have a pretty good sized place for that. Tropical Lei is too small. I like the showers at Star Strip, and Gentlemen's Club because you can aim the water (unlike Bob's and The Valley Ball). The dancers don't like them because it's a big pain to get wet.

Good luck and send me an invite for your Grand Opening.