...Must calm down. Damn, this acupuncture treatment.

The Future Is Now

The future of lap dances is here. No, it's not cyborg robots doing lap dances. But like other industries, technology is entering the skin biz. When I first saw floaters walking around with clip boards, my first thought was that they should carry handheld computers that were wirelessly connected to a main computer that would automate the accounting of lap dances. But this is better.

The Deja Vu in Ontario has installed automated vending machine type lap booths at their club. Each dancer carries an electronic key that uniquely identifies her to the system. She places the key on the machine and the display shows her stage name. Next, the customer deposits paper money into the machine which records the amount and keeps track of the time left for lap dancing. The machine operates by time and not by songs the DJ plays. In the future, this machine will also take credit cards.

The benefits of this new system for the customer are:

1. No more floaters coming by and checking on you after each song.
2. No arguments about how many songs were done or being overcharged by floaters or dancers.
3. Start your lap dances any time without regard to the songs the DJ is playing.
4. The length of the songs are the same regardless of the songs the DJ is playing.
5. Did I mention the floaters being gone?

The benefits for the dancers:

1. No arguments with customers about how many songs they did.
2. No more floaters to have to tip or watch out for.
3. No need to have to chit chat with the customer while you wait for the start of a new song.  Start as soon as you get to the booth.

The benefits for the club:

1. Reduce payroll overhead by eliminating floaters.
2. Increase revenue by eliminating conspiracy between floaters and dancers stealing from the club.
3. Eliminate complaints from customers regarding miscounting by dancers and floaters.
4. Get better statistics on lap dance revenue and high performers making the most for the club.

Upon hearing about this new technology, some people feel that it's impersonal because you are depositing money into a machine. But this argument is fallacious because the customer can give the dancer extra tips directly to the dancer just as before. The only difference is that floaters are not coming by after each song and checking on the dances.

Another anti-machine argument is that you must put money in the machine after each song. This is true if you aren't sure you want to do multiple songs. Many customers don't know how many songs they are going to want in advance. Since there's no refunds, if you put too much money in at the beginning, you would lose that money if you finish early. This would benefit the club in the long run.

Personally, I'm not really bothered by this inconvenience. The live peep shows in New York used similar technology and so does all the video viewing booths in LA.  For me, it more than compensates by the elimination of floaters and over-counting of dances. I can't even count the number of times the dancer and/or floater has overcharged me. There's very little recourse for the customer, except just to pay and never return to the club.

The ideal situation for the customer would be to place a credit card in the machine and be able to continue with a push of a button, or some type of pre-paid system like cell phones. Or waive your cell phone in front of a machine like in some test markets.  Maybe that will come in the future.

Perhaps it's my technical background makes me prefer machines over people. Or maybe because I just don't like people... "He was loner, quiet and kept to himself..."

[Editor's note: Since originally writing this article in 2005, Deja Vu has implemented this system at other locations.  The Ontario club was their beta testing site and obviously it must be working for the chain or they wouldn't spread it to their other clubs.  Better get used it boys.]