New Strip Club to Open in Hollywood
April 1, 2002

HOLLYWOOD (LNS) — zbone.me has learned that a new strip club named "Gaza Strip" is being built and will be open next month in Hollywood. One of the construction workers working on this new club has obtained a picture of the new club which is currently hidden behind a tall temporary wall that prevents passers-by from seeing the club from the street.

It has been revealed by inside sources working on the building that over $2 million has so far been spent on the building alone. "They really want this new club to be fantastic looking," said a source who wish not to be revealed. "The owners have told me that they want this to be the best club in the world, not just Los Angeles," revealed this insider. "Don't tell anybody but Arafat is the real owner. The guy that I'm dealing with is just the front man," quipped the insider.

In an exclusive interview with zbone.me, Palestinian Council President Yasser Arafat denied being the owner of this new club in Hollywood. "This is absurd. I do not, have not, and will never own a strip club, anywhere in the world," said Arafat. In a prepared statement, Arafat stated that this was a smear campaign to derail the pending peace talks and that he would not spend any more time with this matter.

In a separate statement, President Bush is quoted by CNN saying that he was very disappointed by this revelation at this time. "Mr. Arafat does not need to be opening strip clubs in Hollywood at this crucial point in our negotiations. He has more important matters to concentrate on," said Bush.

High Court Allows Sex in Clubs
April 1, 2002

By SAXBEAT, Staff Writer

WASHINGTON D.C. (LNS) — In a highly unexpected ruling, the U.S. Supreme Court today ruled in a 6-3 judgment that sex that occurred during a lap dance could in some circumstances be construed as Constitutionally protected speech.

In a tersely worded statement appended to the majority ruling, Justice Clarence Thomas wrote, "This was a difficult judgment for us. Obviously we don't want to condone prostitution or other lewd acts. But if two consenting adults get carried away by passion during a lap dance in a private booth and consummate an intimate relationship, we hold that it is not the state's position to legislate against that."

The surprise ruling came in the case of York vs. the State of California. Herve York, a customer at a Los Angeles-area strip club, was participating in a lap dance with Irene "Trish" Hester, when, according to York, they "got carried away" and began having intercourse in the private booth. During their lovemaking, the club was raided by LAPD officers, who arrested York and the dancer and charged them with prostitution, soliciting, lewd acts and several other charges. Hester plead no contest to the charges, which were later dropped due to bureaucratic process, but York fought them. York was found guilty in Van Nuys Superior Court, and the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals let the case pass without judgment. York then appealed to the Supreme Court.

"It was a matter of principle for me," York said. "I mean, it wasn't like I was paying her for sex; she liked me. And we weren't out in public, either. The booths at Southern Comfort were pretty private. Is the state going to start telling people in love when they can or can't express their affection in private? Sex is the strongest way to tell someone you love them, and if that isn't protected speech, I don't know what is."

In his brief supporting the majority statement, Chief Justice William Rehnquist added, "We've been hoping for a case to rule that lap dancing was not necessarily prostitution, and this one was just perfect."

Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, in a rare personal statement to the press, said, "I cannot believe the delivered ruling will stand the test of time. This is a black day for the Supreme Court. What's to stop strip clubs, brothels and other establishments from charging a cover fee and claiming all the couples inside are getting carried away? We'll see this reversed, although probably not by this court." Voting with O'Connor in the minority were Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and David Souter.

Springer to Open Strip Club
April 1, 2002

By SAXBEAT, Staff Writer

CHICAGO (LNS) — Jerry Springer has announced that he will open a topless club in the Chicago suburb of Elk Grove. The club, to be called "Drama," will be the first topless club to be themed, said the iconoclastic talk show host.

"I've been doing my show for 12 years now," Springer said, "and everytime we have strippers on, all they talk about backstage is how much money they make. I may be a slow learner, but I finally realized I want a piece of that."

The club, to be housed in a converted Boston Market restaurant, will be themed around the idea of the drama that occurs in strippers' lives. Customers will see images from "hidden cameras" in the dressing room projected on large-screen TVs, complete with audio. Additionally, customers getting private dances may choose three levels of privacy: discreet, "share audio" and "share it all," which will allow their buddies in the club to watch their activities on small monitors placed in booths. Customers will be able to switch channels to see what is happening in any booth that is not in discreet mode.

Contrary to what one might guess, Springer doesn't think the loss of privacy will turn off customers. "If there's anything my show has proved," Springer said. "It's that for every voyeur, there's an exhibitionist."

Disputes between dancers, between dancers and customers, and between club employees will be aired out on stage, Springer-style, with the spatting parties having the options to settle grudges with mud or oil wrestling, foxy boxing, or, in the case of dancers who have problems with customers, public humiliation. "Club Drama will push the limits of what's ever been seen in a strip club," Springer said. "All the backstage drama will be up front now. It's gonna be huge." On most nights, the club's DJ will emcee the stage action, but Springer says he will take the mike on nights that his schedule permits.

Residents of Elk Grove have been rallying since the opening of the club was announced, claiming Springer's status as a former alderman on the city council gave him an inside edge in getting the location approved. "It's ridiculous," said Harold Zaussen. "It's bad enough having such trash on TV! Now they wanna bring this to our backyards? We're fighting it all the way!"

A spokesperson from Springer's office said, "Bring it on! He can come on our show and mouth off all he wants."

Club Drama is expected to open May 1, with live coverage on the nationally syndicated Jerry Springer Show. The club will be topless, with a cover charge of $25, about average for Chicago clubs. Customers will have a choice of private table dances, or, if they are willing to share the video, lap dances. All dances will be $10, with the full amount going to the dancer. Springer says he is already in talks with "several large chains" of strip clubs to take Club Drama nationwide.