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Z
Bone's HOT NEWS For 2000!
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LOS ANGELES —
 Z Bone publishing has received exclusive information
regarding the initial interviews of Officer Rafael Perez by the LAPD. According
to unnamed sources in LAPD, there is a transcript of the original interrogation
of the Rampart CRASH officer which describe undercover operations by the
CRASH unit involving dancers at strip clubs.
Unnamed LAPD sources tells Z Bone Publishing that the CRASH unit at Rampart
was using dancers at strip clubs as informants in a blackmail and extortion
scam. "They had the strippers secretly video tape these married guys getting
nasty lap dances, then we would blackmail them or we would tell their wives
they were cheating," said one LAPD informant, who wished to remain anonymous.
"They also had a pay website with all the streaming video of these guys cheating
on their wives," he continued.
 During a press conference regarding the
Rampart scandal, LAPD Chief Benard Parks was asked about this apparent new
twist in the case. "We are looking into this new allegation regarding strippers
being used for blackmailing and have viewed some evidence on video. Some
strip club patrons have been contacted regarding this matter," stated Parks.
When asked to elaborate, he commented, "We have not made any conclusions
and the investigation is on-going and therefore, I cannot comment further."
There was no other mention of the blackmailing incidents during the press
conference.
 NEW YORK — In an obvious
attempt to thwart off FOX with their new show "Who wants to marry a
multi-millionaire?", ABC Network today announced that it will debut a new
show called "Who wants to date a stripper?" during sweeps week.
To garner high ratings, the show will debut immediately following "Who wants
to be a millionaire?" and will also be hosted by Regis Philbin. "We are going
to give away tons of money, as well as a fantastic date with the most beautiful
strippers in the country," quipped host Philbin. When asked about what the
strippers would do on the show, Philbin remarked, "Lap dances. That's what
the public wants to see. And that's what they'll get."
However, network executives were sketchy regarding details on whether the
show would feature lap dancing, any nudity or stripping. ABC network executive
in charge of production, Luke Atmius, released a statement earlier today
stating, "We have not decided on the exact format of the show. There will
be strippers competing from all over the world. It's going to be erotic and
sexy but tastefully done and great for the whole family."
Others had differing opinions regarding this new show. "Frankly, I think
we might have stepped over the line this time," mused an ABC network executive
who asked to remain anonymous. One media watch group has already announced
that they will recommend a full boycott of ABC, the show and all of it's
sponsors for the rest of the decade. ABC could not be reached for comment
regarding the possible boycott.
When asked to comment on whether he would date a stripper, Philbin remarked,
"I will when Kathy-Lee lap dances for me until I have lap burns." Is that
your final answer Regis?
 SAN JOSE — The website that made "naming your
own price" a household phrase has added lap dances to their list of products
and services that can be purchased online. Only one month after making headlines
for offering "name your price" gasoline, priceline has again created a media
frenzy with this new offering.
Priceline CEO Dick Fauloft stated in a press conference today that Priceline.com
has decided to move into the lucrative "adult" marketplace with this move.
"We are very proud to announce that customers will now be able to name their
own lap dance prices which will be honored by participating strip clubs all
across the country", Fauloft said. The list of strip clubs was not yet available
to the media at the time of this writing. However, Fauloft predicted that
eventually all strip clubs will become an affiliate of the program.
 In a related story, Internet online trading
and auction leader eBay, announced today, a preliminary agreement with Z
Bone Publishing to create a new portal named zBay.com which will allow online
users to trade and auction everything from lap dances, used undergarments
to tickets for special events at strip clubs.
"This is not just a clone of eBay for strip clubs. Users will be able to
trade products and services for lap dances. This has never been done before
on the Internet or anywhere." stated eBay founder Mike Hunt. "We are very
excited to be working with an industry mega-site like eBay and we expect
to create a new market which has never existed," remarked Z Bone during an
impromptu press conference at a strip club.
To promote this new website, zBay will be giving away free delivery charges
on all lap dances traded or auctioned.
April Fool's Issue -- 1998,
1999, 2000, 2001
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