Got a burning question but a little afraid to ask about something very personal? Sometimes a female point of view is needed when it comes to some questions. That's the point of this section. Don't worry. Your questions will be anonymous. Send your questions directly to Mistress Xena at xena@zbone.me. Mistress Xena is an exotic dancer in Los Angeles who is also Internet enabled AND ready and willing to help those in need of some advice. As always, remember that she is not a doctor or lawyer and the opinions expressed by her are not medical or legal advice. Moreover, Mistress Xena's opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Z Bone.

pornographie
Sun, 24 Sep 2000

Q:
Hi my name is Yann and I would like to know if you (Lucy Lawless) or Renee O`Connor do some porn pics, if it`s yes I would like to the adress of this site. Because you and Renee O`Connor are very beautiful, give me your answer
X:
With my TV show being so popular you can see I have loads of time to answer questions on a STRIP CLUB site! And of course I need to do porno pictures on the side to help me pay the rent. I could send you the pictures but they will cost you $1000 each. I accept visa, mastercard, and american express. Now go sit in the corner and think really hard about it.

Oh so humbly yours,
Xena

stripping
Fri, 22 Sep 2000

Q:
i just wanted to know... i am interested in stripping. i am in college and i am not working... just wanted to know how much i really needed to start working and how would i go about getting a job at a decent club. Somewhere where not just anyone could just come into the club... meaning people with no money. i don't have any outfits or anything. the basic question is how do i get started?
X:
It depends on the club you are interested in working at. Some clubs let you wear bikinis while others prefer you to wear gowns. It is worth it to invest in a few outfits such as a gown and a few sexy dresses. You will make up the money and then some once you get started. I recommend going to a few clubs and checking out the scene, maybe talking to a few of the dancers to find out how they like working there. You will need to set up an audition with the manager or perhaps enter an amateur contest.

As with all clubs, you will have big spenders as well as a lot of cheapskates. As long as you learn to hustle for dances, you should do fine.

So... after that long set up my question is...
Fri, 08 Sep 2000

Q:
I was just in Las Vegas for the first time for a friends (a girl) birthday and went to my first strip club the Olympic Garden Topless Cabaret. I don't want to tell the whole story but I ended up going to the club by myself. Admission was 20 bucks and laps were 20 bucks. I walked around for a wile scoping out the chicks to make sure I got one that was beautiful to spend my hundred bucks on. The first dance I got seemed pretty mild in comparison to what I saw other guys getting, so I gave her an extra 10 but there was no improvement. After she was done I went hunting again but this time for a girl I could see would give me good mileage. Boy did I pick the right girl. Now I know they are there to make money so I am not interested in pursuing this girl but it really seemed like we had a connection that we were on the same wave length. I gave her 100 bucks for 4 lap dances at a time. ($80 for the dances and a $20 tip). I ended up spending 400 bucks on this one girl but she definitely earned it. I got to touch her ass and legs, inner thigh and tits. She grinded my crotch and blew hot air and nibbled on my ear. She would stand in front of me an lightly push her “panties” against my nose. As the night went on she sat on my lap and showed me the top of her kooch and on the last dance she controlled my hand over her breasts and even her pussy. When she left she gave me a few kisses.

So... after that long set up my question is. Is that type of treatment normal? Or is it just normal for Vegas. Could I get that type of treatment in LA/OC? Did I get ripped off Or did I get an awesome deal. Please add another information you think I might want.
X:
Actually I have never danced in Vegas so I really couldn't tell you. As far as LA clubs go, from what I know, OC clubs tend to be pretty conservative. The clubs in LA seem to be a bit more laid back, but of course it all depends on the dancer. Technically that stuff is illegal and can get you arrested or kicked out of a club. But as we all know, there are some dancers who are willing to go that extra mile. I recommend asking Zbone or checking the reader reviews on this site to help you make your decisions.

Happy lapping!
Xena

dating a dancer
31 Aug 2000

Q:
I have been seeing this dancer for almost five years both in her clubs wher she worked and also outside of work. She knows that I loved her and she has even said that to me (though I don't believe it really). Certainly I know that dancers love money, who doesn't, and I have been very good to her over the years when it came to financial help and other things. However we seem to be at a crossroad, and I am getting impatitient with things of late. I think it is time to have a haeart to heart with her and either get things going or break it off totally. I hae had times had the feeling that I am being strung along, as that is common I know when some dancers have a mark in their fold. I know she does care about me , but maybe not enough. She goes ballistic if she thnks I am out in clubs with perhaps someone else.( My business is in exotic dancer industry BTW). Thought I'd ask the advice of someone whose opinion I respect Xena.
X:
For someone who works in this industry, you should be ashamed of yourself! Of course she is stringing you along! I can't believe she has hustled you for THIS long. Sure, she cares about you because you financially support her. She gets paranoid about you going to other clubs because that's money you should be spending on her alone.

Ok, maybe I'm not being fair. You did not mention what exactly you were getting impatient with, nor did you mention where you met her or what type of relationship this is. I am assuming from your letter that you met her at the club where she works and that she is either not putting out or is not interested in a committed relationship. I guess that is all irrellevant considering that if you are financially supporting her, she is playing you for a fool. Break it off and stay away from the clubs for a while.

Dancers Interest in a Customer Other than Money
Wed, 7 Jun 2000

Q:
Can you lists as many possible signs [to watch for] from an exotic dancer who is interested in a particular customer as a friend for romance or a friend to hang out other than in the club? In other words, how can you tell if a dancer is interested in a particular customer other than for his money?
X:
Ok to all of those who keep asking me the same thing over and over again, you need to do some of your homework. That homework involves reading my column!!! To answer this question, please read my responses for 1999 especially "To ask or not to ask" and "What does no mean". While they may not pertain to your particular case, you can apply them to your situation. If you still don't understand after reading them, then write me back and I'll spell it out for you.

how to get a dance...
Tue, 06 Jun 2000

Q:
Hi Xena. This is JJ from San Diego. You've got an interesting Q&A going and this is a comment on the last post by the dancer who was wondering why other dancers seem to have all the luck. As an occasional patron to the tame clubs down here (I go to shoot pool and look at naked women at the same time) I don't get dances too often. There are always the times girls stroll up to you and just say "wanna dance???" Simple and to the point, which what makes saying "no thanks" to them so easy, cuz it's simple and to the point. And then there are the girls who will come up from behind me and put their arms around me. These are girls that'll nibble at my ear and tell me all the nasty things they're going to do to me on the couch. Of course this is San Diego so none of what they say actually materializes, but that's okay I still admire these women for their business savvy. They don't say "wanna dance?" They stare deep inside of you and say while breathing heavily ,"I really really really want to dance for you really really badddd..." First rule of business, set yourself apart from everyone else. Hope this helps.
X:
Thank you for the tip. Although sometimes, I personally feel a little funny about coming on so strongly, I just may have to try that out myself.

What to say to customers
Sun, 14 May 2000

Q:
I'm a dancer in a very popular club. I just started and I noticed that when I just walk to a guy and say "Would you like to get a dance?" I get turned down a lot. Some of the other girls seem to have a line or phrase that they whisper in customers ears that they just can't say no to. I ask them what are they saying and the answer with "It all depends on how I feel, or You know blah blah blah rah rah rah." Like I'm suppost to know what that means. I figured they just don't want anyone using their lines to get dances. So my question to you is, What can I say to the customers that will get them to want to get a dance from me. I give really great dances, and am pretty open minded about SOME things that go on (if you know what I mean). I just need to find a way to let the customers know this. Do you have any suggestions?
X:
God, you sound just like me! I have always wondered the same thing about girls who just seem to get a dance from everyone they ask. To tell you the truth, I honestly don't know what it is they say or do.

This is what I do: I usually say hello and make pleasant conversation first and sort of feel them out to see if they show any interest in me. Then if when I ask them, they say no, I smile and tell them I'm REALLY good. If they still say no, I don't get angry but instead tell them I'll check back on them later and leave them with a smile and tell them to enjoy the show. And you know what? When I check back with them later on, much of the time they oblige.

No matter what you feel like, don't let them know you are in a bad mood. Try to keep a smile on your face. I know it can really take its toll on your self-esteem. We have all had days where we felt that nobody likes us or that we are ugly etc. But it really is part of the job and you have to learn to deal with it. And try not to compare yourself with the other girls. That will only have you feeling worse.

The best advice I can give you is to always be friendly. The customers will remember that. And always know that with the bad nights come the good ones too. Trust me!

Where should I work?
Fri, 5 May 2000

Q:
I'm good looking black girl. who wants to work in La and need some recommendations on clubs, the best season to work there, and how much do the girls make there (honestly, I've been deceived before)
X:
It depends on the type of club you are interested in. Do you want to work bikini, topless or nude. I find that nude dancing tends to be the most profitable. The amount of money you make really depends on how good a hustler you are. I know girls who bring home $100-200 and also girls that average $700-$1000 per night. Also I have found that Winter time seems to be the best time of year, typically from after Christmas until February. April is usually the WORST month of the year with tax season. For more info on clubs you could ask Zbone himself

Regular Customers
Wed, 03 May 2000

Q:
I met my favorite dancer in August of last year, which was my first visit to a strip club. She is tall with pale skin, black hair, and the most beautiful dark eyes (even though it is often difficult to see them inside the club). I was sitting at the stage, and I only had two dollars in front of me, when she came crawling towards me, getting closer and closer, until she put her mouth on my ear. Needless to say, I was blown away. Now that I've visited that club a dozen times or so, I know how rare that kind of attention is on stage. I asked her for a dance, and it was amazing, and ever since then I've always gotten my dances with her when she was there, about 5-6 visits total. She is very friendly, and I think she likes me a little bit. I'm not naive, but I can just tell. One time she took my hands and put them on her breasts for a second, don't tell me she does that for every guy.

Anyway, the last time I saw her in April, we were talking, and I asked her how old she was, and she said 22 (I'm 26), and she told me her birthday was on June 4th. A different time I asked her what perfume she was wearing, and she said it was called "Angel", and she went on and on about how it was her favorite, and the only kind she's worn for four years, etc. So I got the idea to give it to her at the club on her birthday. She said they only sold it at Neiman Marcus. I called there and it was $65 or $95, depending on which size I got, but I saw an ad for a place that had it for about twenty dollars cheaper (not that I care about the money).

My question is, what do you think her reaction will be? I can't imagine her being anything but surprised and happy. I am actually really excited about this idea, and the purpose of this letter was mostly to tell someone about it. The average person would think it was sick, and my closest friends would think I was crazy for spending so much money on something like this. I know what you're probably thinking, but I have no illusions about us getting together outside of the club (even though she told me where she bartends sometimes, the name and the street location. Why would she tell me that?). I just want to make her happy, and it's perfect because it's exactly what she wants.
X:
I think she would love a gift like that. At least she'll use it.

Q:
How do you feel about your regular customers, like if they come to see you once a month or so over a period of months, and are friendly and respectful and tip well? Are you happy to see them because they are a familiar face, or because of the money? Do you give them special attention, or do you act casual because you know they are in the bag? Or is it not that big a deal one way or the other?
X:
Regular customers are our bread and butter. It would be great if they came in once a week, did a bunch of dances and tipped really well, however even if its only once a month or less I'm always happy to see them. I always give them special attention for both reasons you mentioned above. Although you must be aware that sometimes we can get very busy or have several regulars in at the same time. In that situation, you must understand first come, first serve.

Q:
My favorite dancer sometimes rubs her crotch on my thigh. I ask her if it feels good and she said "Yeah, that's why I do it." Is there anything else a customer can do to make the dancer feel good?
X:
Honestly, I would prefer a customer do nothing but sit there and let me take care of him. But if you insist on doing something to "make her feel good" a nice back massage always makes me melt

Q:
Finally, I have had this question in my mind for months now, but I can't think of the right way to phrase it to a dancer. These girls don't know me from a hole in the wall, but they're grinding against my crotch, putting their breasts on my mouth, and everything else. HOW DO THEY DO IT? I just can't understand it.
X:
How do they do it? Because they feel that if they don't do it, someone else will. So I'm sure they stay focused on the one thing that makes dancers give so much of themselves--THE MONEY!

Q:
Also, what do you think is the best way to ask for a dance? If it is crowded and I ask while they are on stage, they'll say "yes" but go with the first guy that grabs them. Is someone put a lot on the stage for you while you were dancing, like $15-$20, would you automatically go back and ask them for a dance (this seems like a good way to me, even though it doesn't always work)?
X:
I think you are going about it the right way. Sometimes certain customers get higher priority than others based on how much they spend. Or perhaps the dancer simply forgot. I would ask her while on stage and then wait near the dressing room so you can't miss her. And if you tip that much on stage and the girl doesn't come over to you, she is just plain stupid! God, I wish you were my customer

Club Benifits
Wed, 12 Apr 2000

Q:
I have been a relatively successful financial advisor for 3 years now and I was wondering if any of the clubs (that I often frequent) offer any advice to the girls on how to plan for a time when they will no longer be able to strip? I know that this occupation is not one that turns into a career in most situations, and I also know that as dancers are not considered employees they are not eligible for certain programs. Do you think that this is something that club owners think about and would promote? If so who would be the best person to talk to at a club or chain of clubs to offer my services? After all, some of my favorite moment have been with dancers :) and I am a caring guy. Any advise would be appreciated.
X:
In all my years of dancing, I have never once worked at a club that offered benefits or even the option to invest. Honestly, I don't think club owners really give a rats ass about what the girls do with their money, much less their futures. But that's not to say that they would be opposed to such an idea.

I really do think it is an excellent idea. I would suggest that you speak to a manager or owner about promoting your services and see what they say.

Is she leading me on?
Fri, 24 Mar 2000

Q:
I met M at a stripclub in Orange County 2 years ago. The very first time I saw her I realized that she was my "soulmate". I know it sounds stupid but I just knew she was my "soulmate". I approached her for a dance and have been seeing her at various clubs (she has moved cluba and I tag along)for the last 2 years. I saw M outside of the stripclub world once about a year ago. She would not give me the time of day. I was upset but put the experience down to her been "out of sorts". In the 2 years I have spoken to her in the club for hours and hours. We get along great and we enjoy been in each others company. I have also got contact with her via email. M also gave me some photos of herself to me. I don't have her home phone number. I am in love with M but she is engaged and planning to get married. I have never felt this way about anyone else and I don't know what to do. Everybody I know says that she led me on. I don't believe it because she never lied to me. My heart aches whenever I hear our songs on the radio. My question is this. Would a dancer give a customer photos, play songs on stage just for the customer, spend hours chatting to the customer etc. just to lead him on so that he continues dancing with her?

ps. I need to know the answer so that I can move on with my life (no matter how painful). I will never forget her.
X:
I know this may be hard to hear, but the answer to your question is YES!!! Not only are we dancers, but in this business we are also actors. You really need to get a hold of yourself and look at the obvious:

1. When seeing her outside of the club, she didn't give you the time of day. Sure she could have been "out of sorts" but most likely she felt uncomfortable having you see her outside of the club.

    

2. You don't have her home phone number. If she wanted to really have you in her life, she would have given you her home phone number and I'm not talking about pagers or cell phones.

    

3. She is engaged to be married. Ahem...well at least she told you that she is involved with someone which is more than alot of dancers will do but if this isn't a signal to stay away, I don't know what is.

Just because she never lied to you doesn't mean she wouldn't lead you on. In fact, I don't think she was leading you on, she was doing everything in her power to keep you as a loyal customer. Giving you her pictures and playing songs for you and chatting with you at the club is all done to make the customer happy and keep him coming back for more. And guess what? It worked! And that is our business.

I'm sorry if your heart is broken, but that is noones fault but your own. If you could keep it in perspective that she and all dancers are there to make money and our job involves acting out the "fantasy" role in the name of entertainment, then you wouldn't get so obsessed with this woman. And I'm sure if she knows how you feel, it would probably creep her out, so get some sense into your head and get a real life!

Dating dancers
Tue, 21 Mar 2000

Q:
My question involves the tired subject of dating dancers. As a guy, I would never consider asking a dancer out. I'm sure they get "hit on" more times than can be counted. However, here's my twist on the subject...

Over the last couple of years, my wife has "discovered" her bisexuality. After a couple of experiences, including a few trips to strip clubs, she is a full blown BiFem. The threesome we shared a while back was, in a word, incredible. So now, my question: Is there a better etiquette/success rate for women approaching dancers?

Believe me, I understand that the bi to lez to hetero ratio of the dancer population versus the general population may not differ all that much. But we at least know, dancers are 1) generally, quite attractive and 2) definitely fun/adventurous.

What are your two cents??
X:
This is kind of a toughy for me because I can only speak for myself. I myself am a bisexual female and while it is fun giving women and couples dances at the club, I personally would never do anything outside of the club with anyone regardless of who they are.

I would think the best way to hook up a threesome with a dancer is to spend alot of money on her at the club then just ask her if she would be interested in joining you two afterwards. But honestly, don't expect anything. And even if she does oblige, keep in mind most dancers are flakes.

I suggest that you place a personal ad in a paper. Honestly, I think your chances are better there.

That's my 2 cents

Escort service
Mon, 06 Mar 2000

Q:
I am visiting LA for the next 3 days and am looking for the best escort service with intelligent butifull girls. Any suggestions?
X:
Sorry, I'm a dancer not an escort so I have no idea. Also this is a site for strip clubs so you may want to try asking somewhere else.

Saying no to the lap dancing
Tue, 29 Feb 2000

Q:
I don`t get lap dances when the girls ask me. I give them $20.00 to $40.00 to just talk awhile. But some of them can`t understand that I like to just get to know them and not look at them as just a piece of beautiful meat. I think that I`am giving them a break from having to do the lap dances. Do the girls like giving lap dances? It looks a little degrading and I respect the girls alot. But I think they think I`am strange.
X:
I don't think you are strange. I think it is very nice of you to give girls money just to sit and talk to you. But giving lap dances is our job and is the way we make most of our money. So if you find a girl who doesn't mind hanging out with you for a bit while you tip her for her time, then enjoy it. Just keep in mind that she must do her job and most likely will need to start hustling for dances after a few minutes and don't be offended.

I'm falling in love...
Mon, 28 Feb 2000

Q:
I think I`am falling in love with a dancer. She is all I think about and it`s driving me nuts. I know it will lead me to heartbreak hotel but I can`t shake her. My plan is to stop going to her club. What do you recommend?
X:
I agree! Stop going to her club and just keep driving far, far away.

How should a bi girl get dances?
Mon, 31 Jan 2000

Q:
I am a 27 yr old Bi female. I frequent many clubs with my husband and enjoy watching just as much if not more, than most the males in there. My question is, Sometimes girls stay away from me like I have the plague and sometimes they are very attentive. Is there a way to know who is female friendly? I would like to get more lap dances and such and sometimes it is very difficult to know who to approach. I usually wait for someone to approach me... but sometimes that leaves alot to be desired, sometimes they never do. Is there something I can do to let it be known that I enjoy it just as much? I make sure I show apreciation with tips and things... I make sure that I place them right in front of me and I smile and say answer them when they talk to me. What am I doing wrong?
X:
Sometimes dancers can be a little bit shy believe it or not. And while there are some that will absolutely refuse to dance for a girl, there are just as many who will. I would say the ones who are attentive to you, are good bets.

If you want to get one to dance for you, go ahead and ask her! I, for one, am very flattered when a woman asks me to dance for them. And I love dancing for women as well. And if a dancer turns you down for a dance, then don't take it personally. She most likely is not "that way" or she is just a chicken. Ask someone else or if you are too shy to do that, feel free to ask a bouncer to ask the girl of your choice to dance for you or if he knows of anyone who would.

Hope this helps