Got a burning question but a little afraid to ask about something very personal? Sometimes a female point of view is needed when it comes to some questions. That's the point of this section. Don't worry. Your questions will be anonymous. Send your questions directly to Mistress Xena at xena@zbone.me. Mistress Xena is an exotic dancer in Los Angeles who is also Internet enabled AND ready and willing to help those in need of some advice. As always, remember that she is not a doctor or lawyer and the opinions expressed by her are not medical or legal advice. Moreover, Mistress Xena's opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Z Bone.

A call for help
December 15, 1998

Q:
Please help, I don't know who else would be truly honest with me, so please respond. I'm an attractive woman, not over weight, or sloppy, I wear short skirts & shorts, have great legs, and like to have a good time. My problem is, My husband of 8 yrs. has been paying for sex, private dancers, escorts, etc. He totally is into this and refuses my wants or needs. I've never refused him, and even told him "I will be the best escort he'd ever had" just tell me what you want or like etc. He said he would stop this, but he hasn't! When we go out together, (once in 8 mo) I get alot of attention from other men, but never act on it, as I am faithful! So, like I said I'm not ugly! He has alot of reasons for his behaviour, the house wasn't clean, I yelled at the dog, etc., all my fault! Please help me understand what is going on! I really need your advice!
X:
Wow, sounds like you found yourself a real winner! I really feel for you. This man (if you can call him that) obviously has no respect for you or himself. It sounds like he has a serious case of low self esteem since he feels like he must go out and get sex from other women to make himself feel desired and more attractive. Not only is this hazardous to your marraige, but also to your physical health.

You have to understand that THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! His so-called reasons are just pitiful excuses used to lower your self esteem and to excercise his control over you. It's just too bad you didn't put a stop to it the first time he did it. By allowing him to continue his selfish acts, he now feels as though he can walk all over you-which he obviously does. I think it is definately time for an ultimatum. He either quits and goes to marital therapy with you, or you will file for a divorce, AND MEAN IT!!

In the meantime I suggest you get some therapy yourself, to help you deal with your own low self esteem and to help you see how strong and beautiful you are and that you don't deserve to be treated this way-nobody does! I also think it would be a good idea to leave him temporarily so you and he can really get a chance to sort out your feelings and decide if this marraige is worth staying in. I'm not suggesting dating anyone else, but just a chance for you to see how you can deal with being alone and regaining your power. Give him a chance to miss you, and show him that you will not put up with his behavior any more. Trust me, even though he won't like it, he will respect you more for it! And if he decides that paying for sex with strangers means more to him than his marraige to you, then obviously this isn't meant to be.

You know what you have to do. I know it will be hard, but you have to be strong. Please find a good therapist to help you through this, you don't have to do it alone. I really wish you good luck and I would like you to keep me posted.

Xena

Can I ask for it?
October 20, 1998

Q:
I recently wen't for my first time to a strip club, and it was all and more of what i imagined it would be. After having my first topless lap dance for $20, it was tempting to have one of those all nude dances for twice as much ($40), although i didn't do it, i'm just imagining what it would of been like. I have one question since you are a dancer, Do the dancers give the guys what they want, such as while they are dancing, if the guy asks for more tits/ass in their face will most or any do so? I was tempted to ask her while she was all over me, but didn't. Maybe next time.

I love showgirls : )
X:
It really depends on what and who you are asking. If you are asking to touch her or have her touch you, depending on the dancer, you will either get your request or a slap in the face (not to mention a boot on your ass when you get kicked out of the club).

Granted most dancers don't like being TOLD what to do-it can be taken as an insult making her feel like you don't like her dance and it takes the fun out of it. Just try ASKING POLITELY or just tell her what you like without dictating--and if she refuses, don't push the issue, just try out someone else. But you should know that generally MORE $$$ = MORE MILEAGE!

Generally, I don't mind if a customer has specific requests such as more grinding or facing him. I always like to please the customer (as long as I am not sacrificing my personal boundaries). In fact, I sometimes ask my customers if they like what I am doing or prefer a different position. I feed off their vibes.

If a dancer does fulfill your requests (or to get her to fullfill them) please make sure to compensate her for it. Not only will she appreciate the tip but you will most likely get better dances from her and she will remember what you like for the future. Trust me a little cash goes a long way!

Have fun!

Xena

Gang bang anyone?
August 2, 1998

Q:
My wife and I are visiting Santa Monica the week of August 10. She would love to go to a strip club and have a group of guys pick her up and gang bang her. The guys have to be young, hot and clean. Any ideas where?
X:
First of all, I'm not sure if you are asking for a group of guys to have actual sex with her or just to dance around/on her. If you are looking to have a group of men strip for her, you could take her to "Hollywood Men" at 7969 Santa Monica Blvd. in West Hollywood. I think the show starts at 8p.m. before the club opens for it's regular nightclub. I'm not sure if this male review is still around and if they do group dances. I suggest you call in advance and ask. If you really want to guarantee her something special, I suggest shelling out a few bucks and hiring from an agency. They will go out to your location and provide the "entertainment" at your request. We are still talking about dancing here.

If you are asking about actual sex, try calling an escort agency or look in the L.A. Xpress or some other adult personal publication. But please be careful. Be absolutely positive that you and her are both consenting and able to handle any personal consequences. In either case, be prepared to spend some big bucks. Take care!

It's soaked
July 29, 1998

Q:
So there I am at the Bare on Monday during the day/eve transition as usual, looking forward to exploring further the intricacies of the rational consequence of karma and other dharmic principles with my CF when I notice that a couple is among the clientele this evening - and paying close attention to my CF on stage.

Cool.

At this time the woman of the couple is dressed conservatively in a style that would be fine for the office while the guy looks like he has spent the day in some promo for the '70's retro movie "Boogie Nights". They, of course, strike up a conversation with my CF while she is sitting with me.

"Sic 'em" I whispered.

Obviously a deal is struck and all three disappear leaving me to contemplate the wonders of the universe in solitude. BUT, my CF later appears, breathless, by my side and relates this story:

"When I went upstairs, it is the woman who wanted the dance from me, but she is now wearing a long trenchcoat. She was telling me that she was curious as to what it would be like to be with a woman and they didn't feel they could afford the escort services advertised in the papers.

"Well, the guy settles in to watch as I dance for her and she sits back in the chair and opens up her trenchcoat. She has changed into a one piece see-through body suit so that her breasts and nipples are available. And this suit is modified so that her clitoris is exposed.

"I have to tell her that I can't dance for her that way and we drape a sleeve of the coat over her crotch and I start to dance. I make sure that they have a good time for the dances they buy, and when I am done, I notice that the coat sleeve is wet - soaked through.

"I have to tell you, this will go into my file of dancer stories to tell, right up there with that woman who would buy me for hours at a time..."

The couple leaves the club about now (the woman having changed back to the conservative clothes) and I ask my CF "Well, did they tip well at least?"

"No." was her reply.
X:
So what is the question?
Z:
No, that wasn't Xena and me. Maybe they need to know how to clean the sleave.