In a Nutshell

• A sexual Disneyland with seven different rooms for your entertainment. Recommended for single women, couples, tourists, and the obscenely wealthy.

Full Review

• Mitchell Brothers is a San Francisco Institution. Founded by Jim and Artie Mitchell, the history of this place is too long to include here, but too colorful not to read. (Click here for the MB history lesson.)

• For dancers, the O'Farrell is the best gig in town (if you can get it), and many of the girls earn healthy incomes. The club's hiring standards are high, but not particularly varied, with more traditionally beautiful Barbie types than stereotypical San-Franciscan dancers. If you love traditional beauty, this is your place.

• Girl-girl shows are featured about every 90 minutes in the Kopenhagen Lounge, Ultra Room, and Green Door room, but the shows lately are usually weak. Apparently a lot of the dancers feel that any sex show is a good sex show, and the performances reflect that attitude.

• New York Live - typical strip-club stage, low with a single pole; lap dances available in comfy theatre chairs surrounding the stage.

• Green Door - girl-girl sex shows on stage, followed by any private show you want, right on the table in front of you; this is a look-but-don't touch show.

• Ultra Room - a large, enclosed room surrounded by telephone-booth-sized booths; a brief girl-girl sex show, followed by personal hands-on attention in your booth (optional)

• Private Show - look-but-don't-touch private show (masturbation, dildo, etc.) in a small private room; feel free to get comfortable here, but don't expect any help.

• CineStage - a large theatre and stage, screening porno movies of highly variable quality. Lap dances happen here (often the best laps in the place), and they occasionally put on theatrical, sex-themed stage productions.

• Kopenhagen Lounge - A dark, smallish room with bench seats around the walls. The show consists of a brief girl-girl floor show illuminated only by flashlights held by the audience, followed by nude laps in the dark.

Updates

• 9/98 (Laar) - Popped in with Maz and Dara Lynne for a couple hours with hopes of titillating entertainment by MBT's gorgeous night shift. We sat through shows in the Kopenhagen Lounge, the Ultra Room, and Green Door room, with each show being extremely brief and utterly devoid of heat. I actually took back our tip for the Ultra Room show, and I wished I could have done the same for the private two-girl show we bought in the Green Door room. During each girl's turn to receive the other's tongue or dildo, they actually made an effort not to appear aroused. This wasn't our imagination; one of the two actually apologized for getting turned on! Made me wonder if they had the faintest clue why they were there.

• Despite my lukewarm experiences, I've been told that the Green Door show with Sequoia and Corinne ia highly recommended.

• I have received some very positive notes about Sky, Serenity, Jovanna, Morgan, Gia, Wynter, Ynez, and Fiona. I've received notes to careful with Taylor Thomas, Shannon James, Katy Scott, Amanda, Avalon, and Miranda. Brace yourself for a hostile retort from Angel if you turn her down for a dance.

If I Could Change One Thing...

• If so many of the dancers weren't stuck in the aloof, strictly-business rut (isn't sex supposed to be fun?), this place would own me. Make it look like cameras are rolling, like you haven't already done this four times today! Show me the passion, and I'll show you the money!

The Bottom Line

Club Quality Clean and comfortable without unnecessary flash.

Dancer Quality 7-10 Extraordinarily high standards for a nasty club.

Dancer Attitudes Attitudes heading downhill; too mercenary for my taste; terrible return on investment at night.

Heat Girl-girl shows are usually mechanical, but hey, at least they have 'em; hands-on heat is there, but it costs.

Go? Everyone should see it once, but that will be enough for most.