Here is a fifteen part quiz to determine if you are a fucko: A yes answer on more than 9 of these means you are probably a fucko, though as noted, some yes answers give you automatic fucko status.
1. Do you bring your cellphone to the club? This is typical for CSUN/Valley College fuckoes at DVNH. Apparently, these guys get cell phone envy when the dancers have a cell and they do not. Most older fuckoes do not carry a cell phone. Many older fuckoes do not know what a cell phone is.
2. Do you wear a leather jacket to the club? Major indicator of a foreigner or college fucko, even in the summer at dvnh, guys are sporting their best leather from some shit store and usually the leather is hard and has a shitty design to it. Ditto if you wear a ski hat at a club - only a fucko does that.
3. Do you shower and put on cologne before going to the club? AUTOMATIC FUCKO - the fucko who dominated brooklyn at DVNH did this. The most you should be doing to go to a club is being clean (a shower the same day is sufficient), washing your hands and face and brushing your teeth. come on, you are not going on a fucken date here.
4. Do you talk with a dancer for more than an hour in one spate while customers are obviously looking to get dances with her? AUTOMATIC FUCKO -this is the cardinal M.O. of the fucko, unless the club is empty, and i mean the place is closed and taking no more customers, an hour of talk with a dancer, fuck, ten minutes is enough to be a fucko. I wonder what the fuck goes on in these conversations? What the fuck is there to talk about for more than like ten minutes and then get a lap and move on - I mean, fucken take the girl to lunch or something normal. Can you even hear the girl above the fucken rap music even?
5. Have you ever paid a bill for a dancer? AUTOMATIC FUCKO status. i have heard legal bills being paid for, rent, clothing, phone bills, all in all you are a FUCKO.
6. Do you tip more than average at the rail when your dancer comes up, and in an obvious way? AUTOMATIC FUCKO, i have seen guys line up 10-20 bucks in singles, guys "nonchalantly" tipping with a twenty dollar bill or guys just throwing singles at their faves and making a horse's ass out of themselves. Nothing wrong with tipping big, but making a show of it means you are a fucko.
7. Are you overweight? Not an automatic, but most older fuckoes, especially those who like the bigger girls, are themselves overweight.
8. other than minor christmas presents, do you give a stripper presents at the club? AUTOMATIC FUCKO. I have seen guys bringing flowers, artwork and clothes for dancers - come on - unless you are dating a girl and she is somewhat exclusive, what the fuck is with giving her the kind of gifts a boyfriend gives?
9. Do you get a hug both before a lap and after a lap from a dancer? You may well be on your way to fucko status. You can basically tell when a dancer is about to be fuckoed hardball if she greets the customer PL with a long hug like the fucko just survived a special operation against bin laden armed with just a toothpick, like it is a major fucken accomplisment to roll into the club. jeezus.
10. When you dont rail for your dancer, does she say something like "where were you, did you abandon me?" I overheard this at DVNH, that would be a for sure line said to a Fucko who maybe had to you know, do something completely inexplicable that would take him away for a second, like take a dump. Actually, the rule for fuckoes should be that once they are in the club, they should not be allowed to move from their dancer and should have to wear a tag that says, "I am __________'s fucko."
11. Do you hug your dancer for longer than five seconds and kind of just relax in each other's arms while discussing nothing of any importance other than the fact that you are fucken hogging up the talent while other people wait? This is a typical fucko manouever. The hug is usually the most unnatural kind with arms kind of just like flailing - the kind of hug you did when you were like eleven or twelve at your first dance.
12. Do you have thinning hair? Not automatic, but most fuckoes, especially the older ones, seem to be losing it.
13. Do you rarely post on club reviews on the zbb or on the reader reviews section of zbone? A fucko, it seems to me, would not bother reviewing a club as he does not really go to the club, he goes to pay/spend time with his fave. I have never read a fucko review a club. They dont really even "club" they just use the club as a place to fucko.
14. Do you have the dancer's cell phone number and does she have yours? I suppose many of us PLs get numbers and give them, but this is probably a very good sign of near fucko status.
15. Have you ever cleaned up the girl's puke? A fucko i know has done this.
16. Do you spend constantly on a girl who gives you less mileage than is available on the same premises? Fuckoes are usually suckered by low mileage gals.
17. Do you actually think the girl gives a shit about you? IF YOU DO, YOU ARE A FUCKO.
Merry christmas and a happy new year. |
