Z:
Do you remember the first time you danced on stage?
T:
I was 14 the first time I danced, so that was a lot of joints ago. I don't really remember my first time... on stage that is.  It seems very normal to me now.  I rarely think about what I'm doing unless I'm in a club I'm unfamiliar with.

Z:
14? Were you a teenage runaway?
T:
No, my dad was a dick and I finally stood up to him and he threw me out. I spent my formative teenage years in and out of jail, and living on the streets. I met a dancer who looked alot like me, and I used her ID. It was not me and they knew but most bars really don't care as long as you have enough ID to cover their ass. It's on you. I have taken time off here and there for various reasons, but this has been my chosen profession.

Z:
That's some heavy stuff. Let's talk about music. What type of music do you like to dance to?
T:
I like to dance to music that fits my mood.  I'm very picky.  One of the things I love about dancing is getting to listen to music I really enjoy.  Very loudly.  I like to keep people guessing.  I feel taste in music is a direct glimpse into ones mind.

Z:
Would you elaborate on that? So if one were to play Rage Against the Machine, what does that mean?
T:
Well, I would have to say that the home music collection means a little more to me than some girl playing Rage. I mean, a lot of girls don't care what they dance to as long as the rhythm matches the way they dance. I guess what I mean is, if I go to one girls house, and she has Miles Davis, Rage Against the Machine, Black Flag, and Al Green, I'm gonna probably relate to her more than the girl with the Alanis Morrisette, Tori Amos, Matchbox 20, and Usher. Does that make sense?

Z:
I see what you mean. So in that case, what type of music do you listen to at home?
T:
My taste in music is extremely diverse.  I like everything from the Doobie Brothers and the Eagles, to Ozzie or Etta James.  I love music. I like Rage Against The Machine, and George Winston.  Give it all to me!

Z:
OK, now, since you've been dancing for a while, what's the scariest thing that happened to you at a club?
T:
Wow.  That's a tough one.  Uhm... I would have to say, in a very small peep show place that I worked at, very early on in my, oh so lucrative career as a stripper... [laughs] one night it was really slow.  But the vibe had been strange all night even though no one was there. All of a sudden, the place was packed.  It was just after a college football game.  No one was talking. They were just walking around staring at the girls behind the clear glass of the booths in the back. We were tripping out. Something was just weird that night. My friend Kelly was on the stage up at the front.

Suddenly all the guys started trying to bust through the 2 way mirrors on the stage. They could see her, but she couldn't see them. Our whole set up was locked off. The stage, the dressing room, the booths. She was freaked and jumped off the stage. Then the guys started trying to bust the door down to get to us. We pushed all the furniture up against the door and just waited. There was only a male DJ up front, and a cashier. No security at all. Finally it all just stopped. Somebody had called the cops. When it was done 4 windows on the stage were busted and the door jamb was broke. It was fuckin' freaky. I don't know who those people were, or why they acted the way they did, but they were trippin'!!

Z:
Were you scared? Or were you ready to kick some ass?
T:
No. I was scared out of my fuckin' mind. I was pretty young, but even today, I think that would shake me up. There were so many guys really doing their best to get to us, and they almost did.

Z:
Did anybody get arrested?
T:
I don't know if anyone got arrested. I didn't ask, but I would assume someone did. I wonder what would have happened if they had reached us? I don't think it was a joke to them.

Z:
That's pretty scary allright.  I couldn't help but notice your tattoo when you were on stage. Tell me the story behind your butt tattoo.
T:
Well, people misunderstand my tattoo a lot. Some people get offended. Some people think I'm flossin'. No one really gets it. The truth is, I'm a bit of a misanthrope. I just have become so disgusted with humanity as a whole, and that can be a difficult thing to have to defend. Many people don't understand how I dare be in this business with the attitude I have. But the truth is, you have to be a little crazy to make it in this business... and this world, for that matter. The people who don't get my tattoo would get it, maybe, if they knew the past I come from, or took time to worry about something other then their own personal opinions. When they do however, I usually won't tell them any way. Suffice to say, I'm just sorta pissed.

Z:
So you're just kinda mad at the world, I guess. Got any pet peeves?
T:
That's a loaded fucking question man. First and foremost, I hate snitches, liars and thieves. I'm kind of a loner so lots of things bug me. I think I can answer that summarily by saying that people who expect me to behave a certain way because of my job are my biggest peeve. Dancers are generally thought of as spoiled, shallow primadonnas. Well many of them are, but those are usually girls in their first or second year of dancing who are still enchanted with the idea that they can get guys to pay attention to them by getting naked.

The rest of us are fully aware of the fact that we are at the bottom of the food chain. While we bring in the money, pay the club to be allowed to work, pay the DJs, tip the bouncers, get guys to buy us drinks, buy our own drinks, we are also very replaceable in the club's eyes. Sometimes you achieve a sort of tenure, but even that is sort of shifty. We are also expected to not trip on things that I think any human might have a problem with. Even if I have just got my hair pulled, or my ass grabbed, or propositioned by some sweaty guy that can't even tip me a fuckin' dollar, I am expected to look cute and shut my mouth. Either you smile and put up with it or you are a bitch. I guess I am a bit less able to put up with it than others.

Also, I get sick of the men who work in the clubs talking to me and other dancers like we are employees. I don't get paid by the fucking club, so don't rush me to go on stage, and don't tell me how to do my job. I don't respond well to orders or shouting or expectations by people who are neither paying me or fucking me.

Also, men, just because you are paying me to dance for you doesn't mean I have to figure out how to be everything in a woman you ain't gettin' at home.  I am here for you to look at, not to demean or touch or give you my life story.

Z:
I have to be frank with you. I know dancing is not all what it's cracked up to be, but you don't sound like you enjoy dancing anymore.
T:
I don't really get how you get that from my answer. But that is the way people perceive me alot. I love my job. I don't just like it, I love it. I love being on stage. I love giving table dances. I love talking to people who interest me and can teach me something I don't know. I don't like always being expected to have a big smile on my face. I don't like guys who are crass, or make me feel like I have to act like a slut to get their money. I won't pretend to be something I am not for 20 bucks. I am only good at being myself and that is very very hard in this job.

Z:
Have you thought about doing something else?
T:
No, I don't think about doing anything else. At least not yet. I don't really know anything else, except waitressing and dancing is more fun. I think that alot of people do not realize how physically and mentally demanding this job is. A lot of girls suffer from burnout fairly regularly in the first few years they work. After that though, many long term girls operate in a perpetual state of this.

I do love what I do. I just don't like everyone I do it for. I have walked away from money I could have had if I would just shut my mouth and put up with being pawed and treated like a bimbo so many times. I don't give a fuck how much money someone does or doesn't have. If they can't act appropriately, then they can give it all to the slut in the corner who will grind on their lap for 10 dollars. I don't want it.

Z:
I understand that. Let's talk about your personal life. What do you like to do in your spare time? Hobbies?
T:
Well, I like to be alone a lot, and I date a little bit. I love to read. I have a voracious appetite for information. I'm a TV junkie, especially MTV and A&E. I hang out with my girlfriends, smoke a lot of weed, take the occasional hallucinogenic. I write a lot also, because I have to. And I love snowboarding.

Z:
You are alone a lot. And you write because you have to. Any connection there? What do you mean you have to write? Isn't this what they say about serial killers? [Laughs]
T:
[Laughs] Yeah, you best watch out! It shocks me sometimes. The more years that go by, the more I need to be alone. I like the peace and quiet. All I do is talk all night long. So after work and during the day, I could go forever without hearing another voice. Except for my dearest friends of course.

I don't know if there is a connection there or not. I've always had to write. I don't keep a constant journal. I write when I'm upset and when I'm drunk. I have amassed a healthy collection of material. I don't know what to do with it though. I'll probably become famous after I die. "That crazy bitchy stripper could read and write." [Laughs]

Z:
[Laughs] You talk about close friends. What type of guys or gals are you attracted to?
T:
I like people who are able to handle the fact that I can be difficult. I can be very moody, and I disappear mentally, if not physically, a lot. I have a hard time getting close to and trusting people. So I need to make friends at my own pace.

Z:
So you are attracted to people who don't mind you being difficult? I guess that's hard to find, right?
T:
Oh yeah. But I am such an elitist, I don't mind. The people I have let in, are, for the most part, the best people I have ever met. They also usually don't find me difficult and understand the way my brain works. The rest of the world, I don't care about.

Many people seem to have a need for everyone to like them right away. Especially people who are not paying attention to them and I have become much more tolerant in the last few years. But sometimes I just can't deal with people who want to play like we are tight when they have no idea who I am or where I come from. And the truth is, I don't want them to. Once, I care though, I am pretty die hard. If I care about someone, I would kill for them and I expect the same in return.

Z:
I have to kill for you?
T:
Oh shut up Z. [Laughs] You know what I mean. You like me, don't cha? Don't ya? If you came to me as my friend and something had happened to you that you could not handle alone, I would not stop until I had helped you to your satisfaction. Whatever my friends need, even if we had been busy and not talked for a minute, they can have money, shelter, someone's ass kicked... whatever... If you can find any of them, ask 'em. They'll tell you. [Laughs]

Z:
OK, what about entertainment. Do you have any favorite movies or TV shows? Have you seen any lately?
T:
My taste is so diverse I could never play favorites. I love the movie Friday with Ice Cube, Natural Born Killers is by far my favorite movie. The directors cut. Juliette Lewis' character is my hero.

Z:
Boy, I saw that coming. I assume you relate to that angry character. Is that why?
T:
I just love that she is so beautiful, and yet bitter about it. I love that she came from a fucked up background and decided to take the high road. But I wish people wouldn't focus so much on my anger. It is a large part of who I am, but if you look, I'm so much more than that.

Z:
The high road? She became a serial killer. That's not the high road.
T:
The high road to me is any path that is socially unredeemable. It is easy to swallow ones anger, I think. Easy to be a sheep. Especially when you come from a family that is intent on making you be just that. It takes a lot of balls to decide to break away from the acceptable. And even more balls to hurt all the people that have hurt you.

Z:
OK. What about other movies?
T:
Any Clint Eastwood spaghetti western. I am addicted to behind the music on VH1. And, the stripper standard... Perry Mason. So many club workers love that show 'cause if you are too lazy to pay your cable bill and they shut it off, it's the only thing on network TV that's on every night at 3 am.

Z:
I noticed you have a lot of books. Any good books you've read lately?
T:
Reading is my passion. I didn't complete much of my education due to forces beyond my control, so I really tried to self educate. I love Charles Bukowski. I think he is a genius. I like Doris Lessing who wrote Briefing for a Descent into Hell. I like Clive Barker, and also collect books of information. I have a short attention span so those are my favorites. My newest additions are The Book of Lists and The Dictionary of Misinformation.  I read any magazine I can afford to buy, newspapers, tabloids. Anything that I can learn from without having to hear a human voice.

Z:
What about the Internet? Do you surf alot?
T:
I do like to surf. But I'm not into chat so much. Once in a while, it's cool. But I like the Internet because I can learn so much so directly. There is alot of shit there that you can not find anywhere else. I especially like the more anti information sites. The ones that clear up the area between what the media tells you and the truth. I don't always know where I am, but I learn alot.

Z:
You're like a sponge. You seem to have a lot to say about the strip club industry. Do you have any words of wisdom for other dancers?
T:
You know, I think that women are really lucky to have this venue where if you are tough enough to make it through the crap from the guys, and the drama, you can successfully make a living and have a huge amount of personal freedom. But I really think that the key to this business is to never take any crap, never feel pressured into any thing, and never... ever.. compromise who you are on the inside for the sake of that extra few dollars. You have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror every morning, or the face of your lover or children, and be content with who you are as a person. As soon as you let either your money, or your ego dictate your moral structure, the game is over, whether you realize it or not. Don't ever let the customers, the owners, the managers or the other girls get you down. Fuck 'em. They aren't the ones who matter. The only people that matter are the people you choose to love. And remember, if your gonna run with the big dogs, don't piss like a pup.

Z:
Is this like your mission statement for dancers? You sound so closed up, and unavailable. How can you talk about the people you choose to love? Are you really a softy on the inside and just trying to hide it?
T:
How do I sound closed up? Because I don't giggle and say how fun it is? I just hate to see these girls come into the business and get all thrilled about being able to get guys to give them money, or being told how cute they are. What they don't realize is that guys just love to see girls naked. It doesn't make you any better than anyone else. And alot of girls get a real big ego.

Z:
That's true.
T:
Also, I feel sorry for girls who let customers and club workers take advantage of them because they think they have to or because they need the money. It's really sad to see these same girls later on in their careers when reality sets in. I can talk about the people I choose to love because they know who they are and they know the place I have in my heart and my life for them. I'm not trying to hide anything on the inside. I am who I am and that is all.

Z:
That sounds like Popeye. [Laughs] I guess that's enough for tonight. Thanks a bunch for this interview. I've known you for a while but I'm only now starting to find out what makes you tick.
T:
I'm glad you are starting to care what makes me tick. I'm like that song... I'm just a boy whose intentions are good... Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood!