I LIKE "Sheila", and I like stepping up to the stage at Cheetah's and hearing the DJ call out, "Move up to the stage - here's the lovely Sheila!" I like when "regulars" at the club (and during the day at Cheetah's - my shift - it's mostly regulars) hold open their arms to give me a hug when they haven't seen me for a while, remembering my name, "Sheila". I like that even if I disappear, and don't show up at the club for several weeks straight, when I come in the door, the other day girls smile and say, "Where've you been, Sheila?" And the DJ looks up from his lunch, says, "Hey! You're back! Cool! Go get changed ... what was your name again?"

"Sheila!"

I'm going on about my name so that after this interview is published on the web, and "the truth" -WINK! - comes out, people don't start acting smart, calling me Tracey (my Massachusetts and Connecticut name), or Amanda (my New York name). Yes, I've been dancing for awhile!

I could tell you stories ... but I don't have to! Because, anything you want to know about "the real me," my past, etc., you can find out by reading a book called Weird on the Outside (Delacorte Press, or Laurel Leaf I think - anyway, it's a book published a couple years back. It might not be in stores anymore, but the L.A. Public Library has a copy in it's Teen book section). About a year ago, I said, offhand to a stripper-friend, that we were only "weird on the outside" -

"I read that book," she said. "If you liked that, I have to read you this script about dancing. I know the girl who wrote it ... did you ever work with her? You know, Carmen?"

"It's called 'Weird on the Outside'?" I asked, amazed at the coincidence.

"No, it's an original script."

"I mean the book."

"The book, Weird on the Outside? It's nothing like Carmen's script. It's just something my father gave me when he found out I was dancing. I thought you said you read it?" (my friend lets out a big chuckle, all of a sudden as she hands me the bong, and continues,) "My father highlighted all these parts about disgusting things happening in strip clubs. I could barely read the end, because he went nuts with the highlighter on the chapter at the end, where the main character leaves New York City and quits dancing after she gets beat up. Did you finish it ?"

"I didn't read it," I said, exhaling pot smoke. "What happened?"

"F*ck, if you read it, you could've told me if Tracey, or Amanda or whatever, ended up going to Yale."

I almost choked - "Tracey" (stage name "Amanda") DID go to college (not exactly Yale, but near enough). Then she got married, then divorced, then returned to dancing, older and wiser than when she was barely 17 and supporting herself in New York. She dance in San Francisco as "Sheila", and then moved to Los Angeles ...
I never read the book. (Not then, but I have now).
Get it?

For the record, I'd like to say that the book's pretty accurate in it's portrayal of me as I was, then - but it was a lot of years ago, and the author herself wouldn't recognize me now. "Sheila" has gotten "over it" - all the analysis and self-absorption and worry Tracey/Amanda (guess which one is my birth-name!) kept bitching about in the book. In fact, "Sheila" (hereafter just called "me" or "I") is old enough to listen to her own feelings, and I F*CKING LOVE DANCING! I know a lot of dancers will get upset at me for admitting that, or even for feeling that way, but it's true, thank God, because otherwise I'd be bumming about "wasting my life".

I don't care what stories my ex. and my father come up with to tell the "intellectuals" at M.I.T. (Dad) and Marina-Vista (ex-hubbie). Truth is, I was miserable when I stopped dancing the first time (which is why I kept dancing in secret for the four years). When I finally told my ex. what I did, and why, and how (this was two years ago, in San Francisco - and yeah, maybe I should've been gentler, but how do you put "Nude" "$80" "private lap dance" "Tori Amos song and a white whip" "my face is on a tee-shirt" "I'm on the cover of ..." and "So it makes me cum, that doesn't make . . ." - how do you say all that "gently").

Anyway, we broke up because I thought he would see how important dancing - performing - and, well, SEX - was to me, and maybe come see me at work, or fantasize with me, maybe get up on stage with me some night on a whim ...

To make a long story short, none of that happened, he threw a fit, I up and moved to L.A., and now I'm known at Cheetah's on Hollywood Blvd, Day Shift (1-7pm), as "Sheila". If you want to see me (and if you're horny, and you like what I like ... see above ... ) better stop by a couple days in a row. Besides "Sheila", I'm known as "Secret Agent Girl," because I don't keep a regular schedule. I only show up when I'm either horny, or broke (happens to the best of us!), or just eager to DANCE and wear makeup and sexy clothes and stuff ...

Z:
Do you have some previous dancing background?
S:
I studied ballet and Modern Dance for many years, and ...

Z:
Do you remember your first night dancing?
S:
Well, just read the book (Weird on the Outside) if you want to know about my "first time".

Z:
Speaking of books, do you have any favorites or good ones you've read lately?
S:
Presently I'm reading "The Theory of Everything", because that seems like a good thing to know. I've recently read "The Dangers of Tattooing and Bodypiercing" (where I learned to say, "Do you have an autoclave?"). Also, "Wannabe" (written by Shelley Stoehr, who also wrote "Weird on the Outside"). My favorite books include: everything by authors Andrew Vachss, Michael Crichton, Jeff Noon and Francesca Lia Block . Also, yes, I have read (and LOVE!) "stage-name-Carmen"'s script.

Z:
You drive an interesting looking car. Tell me what the story is behind your car?
S:
About my car, "The Goddess Mobile" ... It's a topless convertible that even when new, was recalled 35 times (so says my mechanic), and it gets 15 miles per gallon. It has song lyrics painted (by me) on the sides, mostly from Tori Amos songs, and has earned me the nickname, "that freakin' mermaid chick!" I love my car, because it was the first and last thing I bought when I decided to leave my ex. and move to L.A. It's also my first car ever. It stands for FREEDOM to me! It says to me, everytime I go to drive it: "Hey Jupiter!" (Tori Amos song about this guy I thought I loved once) . . . I am "A small Blue Thing" (Suzanne Vega song about my blue eyes, and the fact that I'm just 5 feet tall) . . . "What if I'm a Mermaid?" (Tori Amos song about being true to yourself and your mysterious dreams no matter what) . . . you better give me some "peace, love, respect" (Chuck Davis's advice to everyone).

Z:
Speaking of your ex, with your looks and brains, how many marriage proposals do you get a week?
S:
All I'm going to say is that if I get married again, it will be to someone who likes to see me dance!

Z:
Any takers out there? Well, thanks for your time and hope to see you again soon.