What Goes On In There?

The most common misconception about strip clubs is that more than just stripping goes on there. Unlike other areas, Los Angeles strip clubs are exactly that; strip clubs. That being said, just like you can go to the mall and pickup somebody there, you maybe able to do the same at a strip club. That still does not change the fact that the mall is primarily for shopping.

In Los Angeles, all the strip clubs have continuous stage entertainment (unless otherwise noted). This means that you don't have to plan on arriving at the club at a particular time. There will always be dancers on stage. The only exception are feature dancers that only perform at scheduled times.

There are also other special activities that are allowed in most Los Angeles strip clubs. These activities are table dances, private booth dances, lap dances, couch dances, shower shows, bed dance and wrestling. Most of these are explained in detail in the Terminology section below. Each one offers more attention from the dancer than the stage dancing. These activities cost extra above the cover but can be well worth the money. As one DJ says, "You wouldn't go to Magic Mountain and not try the rides, would you?"

Nude Clubs

By law, nude clubs do not and cannot serve any alcoholic beverages. As far as I know, all nude clubs charge cover (admission) but this is not the law. These clubs can only serve non-alcoholic beers, soft drinks, and fruit drinks by law. Some also serve food but this is not mandatory by law.

As of this writing (February 1997), there are no laws regarding when these types of clubs must close. The dancers can legally get as close to the customer without touching and in some areas, can touch if they have their clothes on. Since the start of lap dances in the 90's, more and more touching is being conducted at many clubs but the law is not clear on what is legal. Generally speaking, nude clubs offer more contact by the dancer than topless clubs. You must be 18 or older to enjoy these clubs.

Topless Clubs

In California, with the proper permits and liquor license, topless clubs can serve alcoholic beverages. Most topless clubs have covers to enter, although some are free. However, the covers for topless clubs are much lower than nude clubs.

Some clubs have permits to serve only beer and wine while others may serve hard liquor. If the topless club is also a restaurant (serves food), they are permitted to allow 18 - 21 year olds to enter but often do not because it would be difficult to prevent them from buying alcohol. Therefore, most (if not all) topless clubs require you to be 21 or older. Be prepared to show a picture ID at the door. Topless clubs must stop serving alcohol by 2am in the same way as bars.  Although technically, they do not have to actually close at 2am, most (if not all) do.

When topless, the dancer must be 6 feet away from the customer. When doing lap or chair dances with bikinis, the dancers are supposed to be 6 inches from the customer. However, usually the dancer will get much closer. Moreover, the customer is not supposed to touch the dancer at all.

Pasties Bikini Clubs

My understanding is that there should no longer be any pasties clubs left in Los Angeles. However, if there are any pasties clubs left, they are operating under some sort of "grandfather" situation.

At these clubs, the dancers wear pasties on top and can wear g-string bottoms. All other rules are the same as topless clubs except that since they are technically not topless, the dancer does not have to be 6 feet away from the customers. Usually, this type of club will allow the dancer to get closer to the customer than a topless club. As with topless clubs, they can serve alcohol if they have the liquor license to do so.  Moreover, as with topless clubs, you must be 21 or older to enter.

Full Bikini Clubs

At these clubs, the dancers have to wear full tops and full bottoms. Full bottoms means no g-strings and their bottoms must be covered. Some clubs allow the dancer to pull their bottoms up a little or wear see-thru shorts. Usually, this type of club will allow the dancer to get closer to the customer than a Pasties club. This type of club may or may not have alcohol depending on if they have a liquor license.  However, they cannot go topless or nude because of the zoning laws. If they serve alcohol, you must be 21 or older to enter. Otherwise, you can be 18 or older to enter.

As of 2004, a new Los Angeles city ordinance has gone into effect which now makes bikini clubs subject to the same laws as other strip clubs, including the same requirements for permits and permit renewals.

Bed Dance

The customer will lie down on a couch and the dancer will dance on top of the customer. Usually, there is ample touching of the customer by the dancer and in some cases, the customer will be able to touch the dancer as well.

As of 2004, a new Los Angeles city ordinance has made bed dances illegal.  However, clubs are getting around this by using very comfortable chairs, couches and ottomans, instead of beds.

Chair Dance

No, the dancer doesn't dance for the chair. The dancer will dance for you right at your chair with you sitting in it. At some clubs, the dancer may not be allowed to dance between your legs. This type of dance is usually performed at topless clubs. Unlike a lap dance, there is usually, very little contact if any. See also Lap Dance.

Couch Dance

Basically, this type of dance is the same as a lap dance except that it is performed on a couch. The main difference is that on a couch, the dancer is able to straddle the customer, as well as stand up on the couch (in some cases). In most cases, this type of dance allows for the most amount of touching of the customer by the dancer.

Feature

Also called Feature Dancer or Feature Performer. This is a dancer, porno actress, or celebrity that has been hired by the club for promotional purposes.

Features can be current or ex-porno actresses, magazine centerfolds or minor celebrities. In some cases, the feature will just sign autographs, sell items, and take Polaroid pictures with customers. However, in most cases, she will also dance or perform some kind of act on stage.

Often, the club will charge a higher cover during the time that the feature is performing to cover expenses. Some features charge a lot of money and often, porno stars make more money featuring than doing their pornos.

See also House Dancer.

Floater

The floater, also called floor manager, is a club employee who keeps track of the number of private or lap dances the dancer is doing. Sometimes the floater also checks to make sure the dancer or customer is not doing anything illegal.

Floor Show

This is a type of dance, usually performed on stage, that is mainly executed on her back or on all fours (hands and knees). As the name implies, this type of dancing is performed on the floor of the stage. The purpose of this is to create the fantasy that the dancer is performing air-sex. There are some clubs that prohibit the dancer from performing this type of dance. This type of dance is also sometimes called floor work.

House Dancer

This is the dancer that normally works at the club. This term is usually used when comparing the Feature Dancer with the regular dancers. In some clubs, there is some negative feelings toward the Feature from theses dancers. While in other clubs, the house dancers appreciate the extra business that the feature brings in.

Lap Dance

Also called "laps" by me. This type of dance is performed on a chair but can also be performed on a couch. Normally, lap dances are performed with the dancer between your legs, and in most cases, involve a lot of touching of the customer by the dancer, including, but not limited to, grinding of the groin area. However, in some cases, there is very little contact.

Private Dance

Sometimes called booth dances, these are performed in a booth or a private area or room. In nude clubs, the dancer will be nude and will normally get very close to the customer. The idea is that you are able to receive an entire song dance all to yourself. Normally, this type of dance is performed and charged on a song by song basis.

This term has also become used to mean private dances outside the strip club.  However, when this term is used in my reviews, they will still mean dances inside the club.

Set

A group of songs played together for the dancer to dance to. In nude clubs in Los Angeles, the typical set is 2 songs. The dancer will take the top or bottom off on the first song, then the other item on the second song. Topless clubs usually take nothing off on the first song and the top on the second song.

If a club plays more than 2 songs per set, this usually indicates that there are not enough dancers and they must fill in the time by making a dancer dance longer.

This term comes from musicians who also play "sets" of songs.

Shower Dance

First introduced in Los Angeles by Bob's Classy Lady*, this is a dance in a shower. No, the dancer takes the shower and you just watch. In all nude clubs, the shower dance is done nude. In some clubs, the customer is allowed to "point" the water to the spot of choice. This can be very sexy and stimulating for both parties. Although no touching is allowed, the water is "touching" the dancer for you.

*Extasy in Northridge had "Splash Dances" (where the customer poured water on the dancer) before Bob's.

Stage Name

Although some dancers use their real names, most use a "stage name" which is a pseudonym used by the dancer while she works. The reason for using a stage name varies from dancer to dancer but it's usually a way for the dancer to have a "sexy" or easy to remember name at the club.

Having a stage name also allows the dancer to easily identify where she knows a particular individual based on the name he calls her.

Table Dance

Originally, this type of dance was performed literally on the table. However, over the years, the popularity of table dances have gone down and it's more rare to see them. These days, often a table dance is really a chair dance performed next to your table. Depending on the club, the dancer may dance far from you or very close to you. This type of dance is typical at a Bikini or Topless club. In a California topless club, the table dance is done with the top on because of the ABC 6 foot law.

Rating Scale

My rating scale is from 0 to 4, with 4 being the best. As always, these ratings are based on my experiences. You should compare my rating of a particular club that you are familiar with to see how it matches yours. They are defined as follows:

	Run away as fast as possible.
	Nothing to write home about.
	Just your average strip club.
	Better than most clubs.
	Can't get much better than this!

Rating Categories

Following the description of each club, I rate 4 categories according to my rating scale. Each category is "averaged" on what I think would be a common experience by a normal customer at this club. Once only incidents or special treatment for "Z Bone" may be mentioned in the description but will not affect the overall rating of the club. These ratings tries to reward consistency and not random extremes.

Club

The club rating evaluates the physical club itself and employees, excluding dancers.

The physical club includes the location, exterior, interior, parking, stage (size, location and configuration), lighting, configuration, seating, and general ambiance. Note that large clubs don't necessarily rate higher than small clubs and the rating will depend on how the space is used. However, larger parking lots will always rate higher than no parking.  Having valet parking is only a plus if there's also an option to park your own car. I am partial to medium to smaller stages with low to moderate lighting that is flattering to the dancers. Very dark lighting on stage is a no-no in my book but it's good for the lap areas. Plenty of comfortable seating will rate higher.

The friendliness and helpfulness of the doorman, bouncers, floaters, waitresses, bartenders, bathroom attendants, and managers are also evaluated in this rating.

In cases where it is available, this rating includes special attractions, food, vending machines, pool tables, and video games.

Dancers

This rating evaluates the overall quality of the dancers and compares physical characteristics, quantity of dancers, ethnic diversity, stage performance, and everything else excluding their general attitudes. Sheer large number of dancers do not rate higher than a smaller quantity of good looking dancers. Since this is an average, extremely unattractive (read fat and/or ugly) or extremely attractive dancers can weigh in on the overall score. For more specifics on my criterion for rating the dancers, please read my FAQ page.

Attitude

This is a very subjective rating that I give to indicate if a lot of dancers seem to be in a good or bad mood or otherwise PMSing. This could change from day to night or night to night so it should be taken with a grain of salt. Generally speaking, clubs with bad management or big pressures to sell drinks or dances cause bad attitudes. Again, this would be an average and a single bad attitude dancer will not cause the rating to be lower but several of these types of dancers will affect the rating.

Nasty Factor

For those interested in hardcore entertainment, this rates the table, lap, couch, bed, shower or any other special dances the dancers are allowed to do. Also, keep in mind that close up nudity in itself can help boost this rating. In other words, a nude dancer 6 feet away rates higher than a bikini dancer 6 feet away. However, if the bikini dancer was lapping and touching the customer, it would rate higher.

The rating can indicate anything from mild to wild. Generally speaking, a lower rating usually indicates less contact and a higher rating indicates more or closer contact. Remember again that the rating is an average and one really nasty dancer will not make a change in the rating.

But remember, just because it's nasty doesn't mean it's good. Read carefully and as always, YMMV (your mileage may vary). For more specifics on what "nasty" means, read my FAQ.

Thumbs Up or Down

After some of the ratings, clubs that I especially like are given a thumbs up sign with a short parting shot. Keep in mind that a thumbs up does not necessarily indicate high mileage clubs. A nice clean club and a good neighborhood can and do get thumbs up ratings. If you are in the area, you should check it out. Otherwise, you shouldn't be wasting your time looking on this web site.

On the other side of the coin, it's bad news when I think: "I can't come up with any good reason to go there." These clubs are given the dreaded thumbs down sign. This means stay away from this place, even if you work there. I normally do not give out the red thumbs down unless I really feel that this club has nothing to offer ANYBODY. As an example, a club that caters to customers who love fat dancers would not automatically get a thumbs down because there are customers who would like this club.

If the glove is green, you must be seen.

If the glove is red, you must save your bread.